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A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.” Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off…

A Licensed Counselor was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children… “You all have obsessions,” he observed. To the first mother, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.” He turned to the second Mom. “Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself…

A rich Chinese family (a 36 year old dad, a 36 year old mom, and a 2 year old son) was flying in their private jet. It ran out of fuel, and there were only two parachutes. The parents decided they could always have another son, so they grabbed the parachutes and jumped off. When…

With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. “May we see the new baby?” one of them asked. “Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can…

A Teenager is… A person who can’t remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number. A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast. A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday. Someone who…

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word “service”. The act of doing things for other people. Then I heard the terms: Internal Revenue Service, Postal Service, Civil Service, Telephone Service, Service Stations, Customer Service, City/County Public Service. And I became confused about the word…

# 1 In February 1878, the first telephone book was published in New Haven, Connecticut. The book was one page long and had fifty names in it. # 2 For more than 3,000 years, Carpenter ants have been used to close wounds in India, Asia and South America. # 3 In 2001, the five most…

This is the worst joke ever. Give it no smiley face.

One day, three friends met at an inn after not seeig each other for a very long time. They chatted for an hour or so, and then the topic turned to their wives. A: You know, something strange happened during my wife’s delivery. She was reading a book called “The Two Brothers” before her delivery…

Policeman to woman he’s just stopped for speeding – “As soon as I saw you coming round the corner, I said to myself, ‘Must be 55 at least’.” “It’s this dress, officer – it always make me look older!”

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets. ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself. APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom’s youngest child, even if…

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every second one! I figure, no matter how long somejoke stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three for each three they unlock!