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Hey, pal! Buddy, friend, mate, amigo! I’ve just heard that I won first prize in a competition! It’s a ten-day holiday for me and five others to Disney World! So I was wondering, if you’re not doing anything next Wednesday, if you could put my garbage can out for collection!

Wal-mart is planning on opening fifty new stores in areas that are blighted. Ironically, the official definition of blighted is what happens to an area when Wal-mart opens a store nearby.

A man called the computer company because he was having trouble with his computer. A woman answered the phone. “Hello. May I help you? “Yes. I’m having trouble with my computer. Every time I press the enter key my computer goes biserk.” “I think I know what you should do.” “Really?” “Yes.” “What should I…

Here is a fragment of a crossword puzzle. P _ O _ _ _ Clue: Something that is often brown and hard to clean. Answer: Poodle.

The top 10 signs your best mate is actually a secret agent…. 1. His shoe keeps ringing. 2. When you borrow something from him, it explodes after a week. 3. When you drive his car, you accidentally shoot down the AA Roadwatch helicopter. 4. Various other items he owns self-destruct within five seconds of being…

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang. “Hallo! Mr. Hussein,” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!” “Well, Paddy,” Saddam replied, “this is indeed important news!…

How to Make Cookies: 1. Make the batter with everything but the vanilla. 2. Walk to your nearest appliance shop. 3. Buy a telephone and walk home. 4. Call a friend. 5. Have her drive you to the airport. 6. Buy a plane ticket to St. Louis MO, USA (home is where the heart is).…

“I’d like the number for Christine Smith in Richmond, Virginia,” the young man said to the 411 operator. “There are multiple listings for Christine Smith in Richmond, Virginia,” the operator said. “Do you have a street name?” The young man hesitated a moment, “Well, uh, most people call me Snake.”

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and >>take >>them to their separate hotel >>rooms. >> >>The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His >>depression >>is made worse by the fact that, >>from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries >>of >>”Here I…

The first TV network kids show in the U.S. was “Captain Kangaroo.” Before 1687 clocks were made with only an hour hand. There are towns named Sandwich in Illinois and Massachusetts. Caterpillars have over 2,000 muscles.

An Englishman, an American and a Frenchman were discussing a good example of savoir-faire. “Ok,” said the Englishman, “if you came home and found your wife in bed with another man and you didn’t kill him, that to me, is savoir-faire.” “Not quite, fellas,” said the American. “If you came home and found your wife…

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his…