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A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he’s in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name. “Fred,” he replies. Fred what?”…

If you can touch it and you can see it, it’s REAL. If you can touch it but you can’t see it, it’s TRANSPARENT. If you can’t touch it but you can see it, it’s VIRTUAL. If you can’t touch it and you can’t see it, it’s GONE.

# 31 Canola oil is actually rapeseed oil but the name was changed in Canada for marketing reasons. # 32 The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA. # 33 The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law which…

IF I LOST A DOLLAR FOR EVERY BRAIN YOU HAVE, I WOULD BE IN DEBT

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the B-52 crew was, “Anything you can do, I can do better.” Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The B-52,…

Can You Decipher This Phrase? STEP -> A step in the right direction!

Dear Abby, I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with ‘the girls’ a lot recently…

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, “I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support.” “Vell, dat’s fine, Judge,” said Ole. “And vunce in a while I’ll try to chip in a few bucks, myself.”

How do you know policemen are strong? Because they can hold up traffic. What do termites eat for breakfast? Oakmeal. What do massage therapists eat for dinner? Spa-ghetti. Why were the suspenders arrested? For holding up a pair of pants. How does the queen bee get around her hive? She’s throne. What do bees do…

There was this old woman who heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses.” She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?” The…

What did the director say after making the Mummy Movie? “It’s a Wrap!”

I came out of a convenience store the other day and some seedy looking guy walks up to me and holds up a little sign: “DEAF & DUMB… Can you spare $10?” Wow! What happened to a dollar or 2? So I reached into my pocket for my wallet, opened it, took out a folded…