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Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress One leaned over and said, “Life is so boring, we never have any fun anymore. For $5.00, I’d take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!” “You’re on!” said the other…

Isn’t it scary that the word “therapist” is the same as the words “the” and “rapist” put together? Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another? On a telephone, why does ABC start on the number 2 and not 1? Do pigs pull ham strings? Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters?…

What starts with B, has 2 E’s, and ends in R???? Birthday Cheer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One day, a man held a contest. The winner would be who could get the most ping pong balls in one day. The first man comes back with 100. The second man comes back with 110. The third man comes back with a whole ton of bruises. The men ask him why he didn’t collect…

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am, there’s a knock at the personnel manager’s door, and the assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new…

Q: Why did the rooster cross the road? A: To prove he wasn’t chicken. Q: Why did the pencil cross the road? A: It was lead.

* Perfume saleslady to customer: “Just a word of advice. Don’t put this stuff on if you’re not really serious about the guy.” * Contrary to popular belief, used-car salesmen are fairly honest with their customers. It’s usually a condition of their parole. * A really great salesman is one who can actually make his…

The confused protagonist suddenly finding himself in the presence of the genie, who informs him that he has one wish left; he has just used the second wish to completely undo the effect of the first, including his own memory of making it. Undaunted, the protagonist makes his third wish, only to have the genie…

When I saw that item, I said to my wife, “I don’t think spaghetti grows on trees”, so we’d looked it up in Encyclopædia Britannica. Do you know, Miall, Encyclopædia Britannica doesn’t even mention spaghetti.

With iPhone, dialing contacts is a snap. Let’s say you wanted to contact your ex-girlfriend to let her know how badly she’s hurt you. Simply press her name, and the call is dialed. “Dammit, Rick, stop calling me!” Then, when another call comes in, simply place that call on hold and answer the second one.…

Q.What is the speed limit for sex? A. 68, at 69 you have to turn around!

A man standing in line at a check-out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when an attractive woman behind him said, “Hello!” Her face was beaming. He gave her that “Who-are-you?” look and couldn’t remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized.…