others

Policeman to woman he’s just stopped for speeding – “As soon as I saw you coming round the corner, I said to myself, ‘Must be 55 at least’.” “It’s this dress, officer – it always make me look older!”

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets. ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself. APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom’s youngest child, even if…

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every second one! I figure, no matter how long somejoke stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three for each three they unlock!

Three blokes are driving around, drinking beers and having a laugh when the driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car telling him to pull over. The other two are really worried. “What are we going to do with our beers? We’re in trouble!” “No,” the driver says, “it’s…

A young man was strolling down a street. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting “Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen” over and over again. Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn’t. Then he spotted a hole in the wood. He put his eye…

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Meadow, Col. December 14 Dearest John: I went to the door today and the postman delivered a Partridge in a Pear Tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift! I couldn’t have been more surprised. With deepest love and devotion, Agnes ———————————————————— Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Meadow,…

A man is walking down the docks when he sees a quadriplegic woman crying in a corner. Trying to be a nice guy he walks up and asks her what’s wrong. “I’ve never been hugged.” replies the woman. The man figures it would be a nice thing to do, so he picks her up and…

One day, I was about to tell my ‘Micky Mouse is Mad’ joke to my friends, when I get to the part “Mickey Mouse was in the Divorce court…” One of my friends interrupted me and started yelling… “But why is it Mickey Mouse? Why not Steamboat Willie? Or George?” Losing interest, I noticed there…

One day God said that he would grant anyone in line a wish. This one guy got stuck at the back of the line, which made him kind of upset. The people before him went on through the line, and everyjoke wished that they could be beautiful. The last guy came up to God and…

What starts with ‘P’ and ends in ‘orn’ : Popcorn

ALL DIET FAQ’s answered… Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat…

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy’s response is hilarious, but read the State’s letter before you get to the response letter. SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County Dear Mr. DeVries: It has come…