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If I travelled to the end of the rainbow, As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me, The pot’s at the other end.

What is a vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangs-giving!

Five cannibals were employed by Army as scouts and translators during on of the island campaigns during World War II. When the Commanding Officer of ground forces welcomed the cannibals he said, “You’re all part of our team now. We will compensate you well for your services, and you can eat any of the rations that…

We invite grandparents to a special day at our school, culminating in a photo op with grandparent and grandchild posing in front of a colorful display from a history class. Only after the last shot was snapped did we notice what appeared above each grandparent’s head: a banner screaming, “Discover the Ancient World.”

You’re getting old when… your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!” your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot. a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as…

An RCMP officer pulled over a vehicle that had performed a rolling stop at a stop sign. When the driver was told this, he replied, “But it says STOP, not STAY!”

General Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Walks on water. Lunches with God, but must pick up tab. Colonel Almost as fast as a speeding bullet. More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline. Leaps short buildings with a single bound. Walks…

How do you confuse an Irishman? Line 4 shovels up against a wall and tell him to take his pick.

HAPPINESS IS . . . Infantry: A good rifle Cavalry: A big tank Artillery: A loud boom UPON HEARING FIREWORKS Infantry: Cool, just like a live fire exercise Cavalry: Not loud enough Artillery: Fireworks? What fireworks? OTHER TRADES Infantry: Waste of rations Cavalry: Waste of rations Artillery: Waste of rations IDEA OF FUN Infantry: Not…

“Look at ME!” boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 situps before a group of young people. “Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t stay up late, and I don’t chase after loose women!” He…

1. Stand on top of the high board and say you won’t come down until your demands are met. 2. Tell the lifeguards that they aren’t doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today. 3. Ask people if they have seen your pet shark. 4. Sit in the baby pool…

Ivan, an experienced parachutist with 800 jumps under his belt, was videotaping a private lesson given by an instructor for a single trainee. He had attached the video camera to his helmet so that it would capture the entire day of instruction, and the supporting power supply and recorder were in a heavy satchel slung…