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Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol. The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it. “I teach math there,” I explained. The trooper smiled, and said, “Okay, here’s a problem. A teacher is speeding…

“Brokeback Mountain” is not just a movie. It’s also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka airport. Rules of…

The running water in Singapore can be drunk directly. So when I get thirsty, I go to the toilet and drink. But how to make a bowl of instant noodle? A girl thinks: “Since the running water can be drunk directly, the water from electric bathing machine also can!” So she use the water from…

“I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that’s to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn’t know if someone was stuttering. ‘Yes, hello I’d like some b-batteries.’ ‘What kind?’ ‘B-batteries.’ ‘What kind?!?’ ‘B-batteries, DANG IT!!!’ and D-batteries that’s hard for foreigners. ‘Yes, I would like de batteries.’” “A drunk driver is…

Carlos Mencia orginally said this but it’s still true… What’s makes life beautiful is the essence of the fact that it can go away – so you don’t wanna live like that. You don’t wanna be the person, do you, that had a fight. An inconsequential, insignificant, stupid, fight with your spouse about who was…

The 11th commandment is: “Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris!” This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish. Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Unless you’re Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face. Who let the dogs…

Can you complete this sentence using two words which are anagrams of each other? Whilst driving his car at a reckless speed, the driver was distracted by his dog _______. Luckily, he managed to complete the _______ manoeuvre without crashing. Whilst driving his car at a reckless speed, the driver was distracted by his dog…

All of his life Stosh had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they’d walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink. So when Stosh’s 21st birthday…

“That guy looks like Jesus… and so does his friend.. did Jesus have a twin?” “No, at least.. I dont think he did.. never thought about it” “Oh, well. Twins are awesome… hey, why is Jesus walking into our school? *gasp* what if he rapes us all?! JESUS IS A PEDO!” “Calm down, Jesus isn’t…

~~You Know You’re Having a Bad Day When… ~~ 1. Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell’s Angels motorcyclists. 2. You’ve been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned. 3. Your twin sister forgets your birthday. 4. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight…

Game Set Match = Tennis Set Match Run = Arson

The following are copies of actual written statements submitted to the police on report forms. The drivers were instructed to give brief statements on the particulars of the accident in their own words. Here are some examples ……. Woman Driver: I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. Man Driver: A truck backed…