others

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters. It was my friend’s birthday and I was mad at him, so I sent him a card. It said happy birthday, but I put quotes around the word “Happy”… sarcastic birthday, douchebag. I love women, but I feel like you…

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing football — see how many people you…

-Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. -animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. -Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and elephants. -Bathhouses are against the law. -In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as…

Can you decipher this phrase? MTGG A hungry horse! MT (empty) GG (gee gee = horse).

A red-head heard there was a party being held, but when she arrived, they wouldn’t let her in – it was a fancy-dress party! Disappointed but determined, she left, only to return shortly requesting admission. She was wearing only a pair of red gloves and a pair of red shoes and when she was asked…

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates. com! There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you don’t particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn. New Rule: Don’t eat anything that’s served to you…

101 = keys on a computer keyboard.

The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts. The cruise liner, QE2, moves only 6 in. for each gallon of diesel that if burns. The sentence: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter in the alphabet. The winter of 1932 was…

Can you decipher this phrase? B BUSINESS BUSINESS A C K Getting back down to business!

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

What’s better than going to school? Having play time every day!

I hate thongs! I mean, come on, Women don’t need to floss their butts.