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21 Reasons Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic” 1. The Titanic is big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive. 2. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water. 3. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait. 4. Ewoks throw better parties…

Chuck Norris invented the question mark. Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child. Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg. Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady…just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face. Chuck Norris can…

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

Why did the limping man sit on a scorpion? He thought that it would be “pinched”!

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock…

The captain of a ship hears his first mate calling from above deck, “captain, there is a pirate ship off the starboard side!” The captain takes the looking glass, sees the ship, and tells the first mate, “ready the cannons and swords, prepare the men for battle, and bring me my red shirt”. “Aye, aye…

Israel’s economy is in a bad way, inflation is getting higher and immigrants are flooding in from all over the world. Problems, problems, problems, but what should they do? So the Knesset holds a special session to come up with a solution. After several hours of talk without progress, one member, Yitzhak, stands up and…

These are real comments made by teachers on their student report cards: 1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy. 4. Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.…

What’s Samurai Jack’s favorite fish? Swordfish

A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine. The wife says, “I love you.” The husband says, “Is that you or the wine talking?” The wife replies, “It’s me, talking to the wine.”

What do you do when you see a Mexican riding a bike? Throw a stone at him, it’s your bike!

How It Works Once upon a time a man told a small village, “I will buy monkeys for $10 each.” Since there were many monkeys in the forest, the villagers caught them and sold them to the man. As the supply of monkeys diminished, the villagers’ efforts slowed, so the man offered them $20 each.…