others

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me: TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in…

Here are more funny thoughts from www.crazythoughts.com. Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you’re standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn’t you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit? Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions,…

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. “My, you look tired,” she said. “You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?” “It was terrible,”…

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. – Robert Benchley Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. – James Baldwin Life is hard. After all, it kills you. – Katherine Hepburn If drumsticks are for playing…

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyjoke discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” – Douglas Adams. “I’m astounded by people who…

ALWAYS must WIN. BORROW but never RETURN. CHEAP is GOOD. DON’T TRUST anyone. EVERYTHING also must GRAB. FREE! FREE! FREE!!! GRAB first TALK later. HELP yourself to EVERYTHING. i FIRST, i WANT, i EVERTHING. JUMP queue. KEEP coming back for MORE. LOOK for DISCOUNTS. MUST not lose FACE. NEVER mind what they THINK. OUTDO everyone…

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him. “And how do you find the English students, Donald?” she asked. “Mother,” he replied,”they’re…

A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. Very proud, she came home and put it on. She then showed her mother how she looked in it. “What do you think mom?” she asked. Her mother replied, “If I wore that when I was your age, you would be 5 years older.”

My 12-year-old sister was filling out an application form for a foreign language course. Suddenly she stopped, a small frown on her forehead. A moment later, she wrote something down. Glancing over her shoulder, I saw that the question she had paused at was: “Mother tongue.” On the blank space beside it she had written,…

(Passing requires 4 correct answers…) 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get catgut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are…

The woman in a theatre box-office was surprised one evening just before the show at the behavior of one man. He bought a ticket, went away, and then returned a few minutes later to buy another one. He went away again, returned and bought a third ticket. Then he went away yet again, returned and…

1. Enter the stall. Shower for about 3 minutes, then scream really loudly, exclaiming, “I didn’t know I had one of THOSE!” 2. Enter the stall, fully clothed. Do not undress and make sure you clothes get all wet & soapy. Complain when leaving the bathroom that your shirt tends to bleed all over. 3.…