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Ted and Alice were thrilled when their long wait to adopt a baby finally came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had an adorable German baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped at the local college so they…

You Know You’re Addicted to Video Games When… 1.) Your wife tells you that you are, and your two kids; Mario, and Sonic; agree with her. 2.) Whenever something bad happens, you reach for the pause button. 3.) You can microwave and eat a pizza using only your feet. 4.) You’ve spent so much time…

A book never written: L.O.L. (lots o’ logs) by P. Lumyum

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn’t have to go to school the following Monday. On the first Friday, the teacher asks, “How many grains of sand are in the beach?”…

An American and Japanese were sitting next to each other on a plane. The American turned and asked the Japanese, “What kind of -ese are you?” The Japanese man answered “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean.” “What kind of -ese are you?” the American repeated. The Japanese was showing obvious confusion. Irritated, the…

Chuck Norris has two speeds – walk and kill. Chuck Norris sold law and order for using the names of his arms and legs. Chuck Norris hides his third arm underneath his beards. When Chuck Norris does a push up he is not pushing himself up, he is pushing the world down.

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, “Do you know what I use this for?” The navigator replied timidly, “No, what’s it for?” The pilot responded, “I use this on navigators who get me lost!”…

That sometimes when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes when you’re sad, no one understands your pain. Sometimes when you’re happy, no one sees your smile. But you just have to fart once, and EVERYjoke knows.

There was once an old woman living in a cottage. Her husband had died three years ago. Suddenly, the phone rang. She picked it up and a deep voice boomed: “I am the vindow viper and I’m coming into your town.” She put the phone down, thinking it was some boys playing a prank on…

You don’t have any luck at all if: -The guarantee on your used car expires two hours before the car’s engine does. – You start to go bald at the same time you reach puberty. -You get your BIG break and make the football team only to trip over the bench and break your leg.…

READ SLOWLY—-THESE ARE RATHER CLEVER! 1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that *leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds 2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do 3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage 4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with 5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate 6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets 7. ECLIPSE:…

Returning home from dinner out one night, I started to feel sick. Suspecting food poisoning, I called the restaurant’s manager. “I can’t believe that happened!”, she said. She sounded truly shocked. “What did you order?” I told her I ordered the meat loaf. “That’s weird,”she observed.”Usually it’s the stuffing.”