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Humphrey comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answered Humphrey. The guard says, “Well, we’ll see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them…

One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, “See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.” So they…

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. When Chuck Norris talks, everyjoke listens. And dies. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. Wilt…

This is a joke song ok “I pledge allegiance to the flag, Micheal Jackson is a fag. He used to play with little toys, but now he plays with little boys.”

“Whew, that’s one terrific spread!” “I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.” “Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.” “Talk about a huge breast!” “It’s Cool Whip time!” “If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!” “Are you ready for seconds yet?” “Are you going to come again next time?” “It’s a…

A plane was flying from New York to Canada. The plane crashes right on the border line. Where do you burry the survivors? They don’t because they are survivors, therefor they never died.

Beware of the following new computer viruses ===================================================== ADAM AND EVE VIRUS – Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. AIRBAG VIRUS – Can only cause harm if you are a petite computer operator who sits too close to the screen. Provides a handy ON-OFF switch in most current release. AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS…

What do call a crying alien baby? An Unidentifyed Crying Object!

I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. If I save time, when do I get it back? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. I may…

Ways To Annnoy Your Roommate Become a mime. Nothing is more annoying than a mime. Ask your roommate if your family can move in “just for a couple of weeks.” Buy some turtles. Paint numbers on their backs. Race them down the hall. Chain yourself to your roommate’s bed. Get him/her to bring you food.

At dawn the telephone rings. “Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo your country house caretaker” “Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?” “Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died” “My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?” “That’s the one.” “Darn!…

What is a pirate’s favorite food? Taco Bell’s cARRne asada.