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This is a true story: A rather well-proportioned secretary, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, she decided that no one could see her wayyy up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall…

Ole goes out one day to use the outhouse, and he finds Sven there. Sven has his wallet out, and he’s throwing money down into the hole of the outhouse. Ole asks, “Uff da! Sven, watcha doin’ there, fella? You’re throwing the five dollar bill and the ten dollar bill down into the hole of…

A young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman and says arrogantly, “Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!” Another young, beautiful woman gets onto the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, “Chanel No. 5, $150…

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”? Why is “abbreviated” such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”? Why is it that to stop Windows 98,…

There once was a man who died and went to heaven. There he saw a hot babe and a ladder. The babe said “you can have sex with me or climb the ladder to success.” The man climbed the ladder. There he saw an even hotter babe who said the same thing. He climbed the…

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This,…

One day, I was bored and I felt like going for a ride on my bicycle. I hadn’t been used for a while, since I use my car. So, I dusted it off and went off for a 1 hour ride. I was going down the street and I’m known for my absent mindedness. I…

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps,free medical care, and free education!” The passerby says, “You are mistaken, I am Mexican.”…

100 = decimeters in a decameter.

What did Tennessee? What Arkansas.

THE CLINTON Virus…(Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.) THE BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus…(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy) THE LEWINSKY virus…(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails your best friends about what it did). THE RONALD REAGAN virus…(Saves your data, but forgets where it…

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns telling their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” The pirate replies “I was swept overboard into…