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This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers: * Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High”. * Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She’s used the program herself and has been growing like crazy! * Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition…

Here’s to all the Secret Santas! Enjoy! It was supposed to be a happy time, but it wasn’t. Santa was really upset. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the Christmas cookies, the elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had put in, making…

A man goes into a shoe store and asks to try on a pair of shoes. They were a bit snug. “Well, they feel a bit tight,” says the man. The salesman bends down and feels around. He suggests pulling the tongue out, then asks, “How do they feel now?” “Well, dey shtill feel a…

The forgien exchanged students Jose, Doron, and Krono didn’t know any English. So their teacher asked them to go find some words. Jose goes to the airport and sees a plane. “Waz dat?” he asks. “That’s a plane taking off,” the pilot said. “Take off!” he says. Doron goes to the zoo and sees a…

Two atoms are walking down the street when one atom says to the other, “I think I lost an electron.” The other atom says “Are you sure?” “Yeah I’m positive!”

140 Ice Cream was discovered by Gerald Tisyum 141 The number regarded as lucky number in Italy is thirteen 142 Napoleon suffered from alurophobia which means fear of cats 143 The aeroplanes was used in war for the first time by Italians (14 Oct.1911) 144 Slavery in America was abolished by Abraham Lincoln 145 The…

Why is it that every time we blow our noses, we look inside the tissue afterwards? Are we expecting something other than boogers? Or are we checking to make sure they have not run off?

One guy went to see a doctor because he had a hearing problem, so he met his friend and the conversation began! First guy: “Did the doctor give you your test results?” Second guy: “Yeah. Looks like all those years of phone sex caught up with me. I have hearing AIDS.”

An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton. As he paid his bill, he said to the manager, “By the way, what’s with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He’s been there ever since I arrived.” “Oh, that’s Big Chief Forget-Me-Not,” said the manager. “The hotel is built on…

HOW TO GET A TAN WITH A BLOWTORCH HOW TO BE FUNNY by Gilbert Gottfried MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O J Simpson ZAGAT’S GUIDE TO CITIES WITHOUT A STARBUCKS THE ENGINEER’S GUIDE TO FASHION TO ALL THE MEN I’VE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen DeGeneres THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT FAST…

Today I picked up my mother-in-law at the airport. She’s getting a little up there. She’s at the age where she doesn’t remember things too well. So when I saw her I said, “Thanks for coming. Have a nice flight!”

A student on a class trip to the natural-history museum asks the guard, “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?” The guard tells him, “Three-million-four years and six months old.” The student says. “How do you know that so precisely?” The guard says, “Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old…