puns

How many ears did Davy Crockett have? 3 – His right ear, his left ear, and his wild front-ear.

What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry Martinez.

(to be read aloud) ‘Twas in a restaurant they met Romeo and Juliet But Romeo couldn’t pay the bill So Romee-owed what Julie ate (“ett”).

– OK, . . . . so what’s the speed of dark? – When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. – Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. – Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film. – How much deeper would the ocean…

When a girl needs advice, why can’t her brother help her? Because he can’t be a brother and assist her too. (And a sister too!)

What do you call a black priest? Holy Shit

There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested in making a dollar where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time. Eventually the local church decided to do a big…

– A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. – Dijon vu – the same mustard as before. – Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. – A hangover is the wrath of grapes. – Sea captains don’t like crew cuts. – Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? – Reading…

Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop. One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment. The first guy was charged with breaking and entering; and the second with leaving the scene of an…

My geometry tutor told me, “A six-sided polygon is called a hexagon, a five-sided one is called a pentagon.” “What about two sided ones?” I asked. “They don’t exist,” was his response. “I beg to differ! I think we should just let bi-gons be bi-gons.”

Q: What did the older lightbulb say to the younger lightbulb? A: You’re too young to go out tonight.

Clones are people two.