puns

What do you call a Grizzly with no teeth? A gummy bear

I tried to walk into Target one day… I missed

A doctor one day was accidentally cut rather badly on the leg. He went to an operating theatre and started to stitch his own leg up, using a local anaesthetic. While doing this, a colleague came into the room, and offered to help. The first doctor thanked him, but said he would carry on himself.…

What’ did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead, I’ll give these two a lift.

What monster was created on April 1? Pranken-stien

“Operator? I’d like the number of the Scottish knitwear company in Woven.” “I can’t find a town called ‘Woven’? Are you sure?” “Yes. That’s what it says on the label – ‘Woven in Scotland’.”

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

There was once a very smart horse. Anything that was shown him, he mastered easily, until one day, his teachers tried to teach him about rectangular coordinates and he couldn’t understand them. All the horse’s acquaintances and friends tried to figure out what was the matter and couldn’t. Then a new guy looked at the…

– Save the whales. Collect the whole set. – A day without sunshine is like…night. – On the other hand, you have different fingers – 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. – 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. – Remember, half the people you know are…

Sven was in front of the mall jewellery store when he spied Ole walking past carrying a small, gift-wrapped package. “So vat did ja buy, Ole?” Ole replied, “Tomorrow is Lena’s birthday and she said she vanted something wit lots of diamonds.” “So vat did you get her?” asked Sven. “A deck of cards!” replied…

Pirate Blackbeard’s ship license had expired so he went into the shipping license office and got a new one, but on the new one he needed an updated photo of himself. So, Pirate Blackbeard went into the photographer’s room and asked to have his photo taken. The photographer obliged and said, “Ok, please pose front…

If Bob the Butcher is 5’11” what does he weigh? -Meat