puns

One day a three legged dog walked into a bar. He said, “I’m looking for the guy that shot my paw.”

This guy is walking through Chinatown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry”. “Hans Olaffsen?” he thinks. “How in…

A Hindu devotee asked God, represented by the multi-armed Lord Narayana, this question. “My dear Lord,” he said. “I understand that you have innumerable inconceivable potencies, but out of all of them the energy of light seems to be the most amazing. Light pervades the spiritual world, it illuminates the material universes, and life is…

A fat woman and a slim woman were both smoking cigarettes; which one finished hers first? The fat woman – she takes bigger draws.

What is a plant’s favorite school year? KinderGARDEN!!!

Why don’t lobsters share? They’re shellfish.

I asked my girl-friend what she would like for her birthday, and she said she would like a green jumper. So I bought her a frog.

BOB- It’s Friday the 13th. Do you have any superstitions? GEORGE- I think it’s unlucky to have superstitions.

This is a list of the worst names to have Dick Hurtz Hary Paratesticles Mike Hunt Mike Rotch Anitta Manwhore Anitta Johnson Fuk Yao Ike Anblow Peter Pecker I.C. Weiner I.P. Freely Seimore Butts Bo Oobless Dick Less Issac Less Tits McGee (ok, that was off Anchorman) Ima Hornibusterd Ima Uglibech Ima Dick

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went… then it dawned on me. Reading a book on levitation… couldn’t put it down. I should have been sad when I lost my flashlight… but I was de-lighted. I was wondering why the frisbee got bigger as it got closer to me… then it hit…

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. “I know that smart aleck Tex,” said the first. “He’s going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back.” “Not Tex,” the second cowboy replied. “He’ll always be just a good ol’ boy. When he walks in, I’m sure…

Once upon a time, in the middle of the ocean, there was the Island of Trid. It seems that most of the Island of Trid was covered by a large mountain. On this mountain lived a Giant. The Giant did not allow Trids on his mountain. If a Trid dared to climb onto the mountain,…