puns

You probably know for a fact that Adolf Hitler had only one testicle. And here we say ”You got to have balls to become a leader”

(I put the pun words in CAPS) A man was smoking in a no smoking restaurant. Mik went up to him and said “sir, you’ll have to leave’. The smoker said to mik “what if I dont wanna, yeah?, what’ll ya do then?” Mak walked up to the smoking man’s face and said ‘leave. this…

Joe and Frank were in the office, and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3×5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out. Joe wrote, “The office workers should all be given raises!” When he looked at Frank’s…

What do you call a one-legged lady? Eileen!

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He’s all right now. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink. How…

Q. What are the strongest days of the week? A. Saturday and Sunday, because all the rest are week days.

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that…

The assistant curator of the musuem came to the head curator with a couple of problems. “Sir, the mummy is damp and getting mouldy. And the white mouse in the maze exhibit has developed dry skin.” The head curator thought for a minute, then advised, “Put your mummy where your mouse is.”

Once upon a time, there lived three balloons – Papa Balloon, Mama Balloon, and Baby Balloon. Baby Balloon would always go to bed in his own room, but would soon sneak into Mama and Papa’s bed. When Baby Balloon got a bit bigger, his parents tried to get him to stay in his own bed…

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

Question: What did the frog order at McDonald’s? Answer: An order of french flies and a diet croak!!

Whenever I have to go up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator because one time i was on an escalator and I tripped… So i was falling for an hour and a half.