puns

There were some kids playing hopscotch and they were allowed to skip so when the winner was on 8 it went straight to 10

It’s 3 a.m. and a couple is sleeping, when suddenly someone knocks on its door. The husband wakes up and goes to see who is disturbing them in the middle of the night. He then sees a young man and when he asks him what he wants, he says furiously, “Please, it’s an emergency! I…

Tommy the Hedgehog was one of a rare sub-division which suffered a small but significant genetic defect. This defect manifested itself in a malformed penis, which divided into four branches; though a little unusual, it was a good way to meet a lot of intrigued girl hedgehogs, so Tommy was a rather proud of this…

There were 3 tomatoes. A momma tomato, a papa tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato started to fall behind and the papa tomato called over to him and said, “Ketchup!”

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. He ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river. “What did you do that for?” asked a passing giraffe. “Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my…

A wealthy man had a falling out with his two sons. It was serious enough that he decided to change his will. At his lawyer’s office, he threw his will on the table and said, “This needs an heircut.”

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ”Hi,” he croaks.”What’s your name?” The loan officer says, ”My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?” ”Yeah,” says the frog. ”I’d like to borrow some money.” The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out…

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. “Certainly madam,” he replied courteously. “Is the restaurant open still?” inquired Mary. “Sorry, no,” came the reply, “but room service is available all…

How did Alfo make a quart of juice from 3 oranges? It was a tight squeeze.

The masked and armed man entered the bank. “Nojoke move, or you’re geography!” shouts the bandit. One of the tellers says, “Don’t you mean ‘history’?” “Don’t change the subject!”

Why did the kid like the bowl of carrots and peas? Because he could eat every carrot and pea in the bowl.

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