puns

So there’s this Wizard who worked in a factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the following sign: “This parking space belongs to the Wizard. … Violators will be toad.”

Two fat men took part in a marathon. One ran in short bursts, and the other ran in burst shorts.

Mama Skunk had two children named In and Out. The two were always on the go, but rarely in one place at the same time. Whenever In was in, Out was out. Whenever In was out, Out was in. One day at dinner time, Out was home, but In was no where to be seen.…

Do you know what style of shoes a frog loves most? Open toad!

God: “Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth.” Angel: “What are you going to do now?” God: “Call it a day.”

Take this quiz to see if you are an idiot or not. If you make just one single mistake, you are an idiot. Ready? 1.George Washington, who was born in 1732, was born in what year? 2.The second war of the world, known as the World War II, is known as what? 3.What is the…

What does the dentist of the year get? ..A little plaque.

A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. “Do you have ‘Eyes of Blue’ and ‘A Love Supreme?’” she asked. “Well, no,” answered the puzzled homeowner. “But I have a wife and eleven children.” “Is that a record?” the caller inquired, puzzled in her…

How did the aliens hurt the farmer? They trod on his corn.

What did one earthquake say to another? Oops! My fault!

Why does Tommy run around the school track 98 times every day? He has a run track mind.

Going home on the bus one evening a man was whiling away the time by doing a crossword. Three more men got on the bus at the next stop, and as they passed, one said, “If it’s any help to you, 7 Up is lemonade.”