puns

Trouser was normally a happy-go-lucky dog. He would chase tennis balls, play with other doggies, and eat his dinner without a fuss. He was a dog without a care. But on that fateful autumn afternoon, it was to be different. Trouser’s owners were walking him along a trail at the park, when suddenly from out…

What did the clock say to the wristwatch? “I enjoyed tocking with you, but now you’re starting to tick me off.”

Relish today, ketchup tomorrow! A hamburger walks into the bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.” I wanted to be a mime, but I talked myself out of it. Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

Why did Tom throw butter outside the window? Because he wanted to see the butter-fly.

Q: Why are hairdressers always on time? A: Because they know all the short cuts!

A man was waiting for his wife to give birth when the doctor came in and informed the new dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son had only a head! But the dad loved his son anyway, and raised him as well as he could, with love and…

Maurice has a business appointment, and he arrives a little early. The receptionist points to a comfortable easy chair and asks him to be seated for a while. Maurice settles down, picks up a glossy magazine opens it, and tries to read. However, he finds that he cannot concentrate because he is distracted due to…

What do you call a Grizzly with no teeth? A gummy bear

I tried to walk into Target one day… I missed

A doctor one day was accidentally cut rather badly on the leg. He went to an operating theatre and started to stitch his own leg up, using a local anaesthetic. While doing this, a colleague came into the room, and offered to help. The first doctor thanked him, but said he would carry on himself.…

What’ did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead, I’ll give these two a lift.

What monster was created on April 1? Pranken-stien