puns

My pal is addicted to brake fluid – but he says he can stop any time he wants.

Two bees in their hive on a lovely summer day, and one says to the other, “‘Swarm in here, isn’t it?”

Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took many pictures of the Dwarves and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch, she took the film to be developed. After a week or so, she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.…

A newlywed couple was walking together, and needed to cross a busy street. They saw Officer Ed. He was controlling traffic, so he said to them in a sarcastic and nasty voice, “Oh, so you just want me to clear traffic so you snots can get across? Oh, sure, I’ll do that!” So the couple…

Anyone remember Roy Clark, host of TV’s “Hee Haw”? Once, cohost Buck Owens was visiting Roy’s home in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Roy was upset because he had just bought a beautiful new pair of genuine leather boots that were completely destroyed by a mountain lion the night before when Roy had left…

Two Potatoes are standing on a street corner. How do you know which one is a hooker? It’s the one stamped I-da-Ho (Idaho potato)

Why do you Drive on the Parkway but Park on the Driveway?

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe. After looking around for a while, He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor. So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him. A few days later, when the robe was…

Teacher: So class, in the medieval times, the Puritan’s ears were cut off if they didn’t attend Catholic services. Student: I bet they didn’t like the sound of that!

There was a Mexican family living in Mexico. The father of the family wasn’t making very much money and he decided that he and his family were going to move to America in order to live a better life, so the family moved to America. The Mexican man didn’t found a job there, and his…

The other day, I heard that a good friend of mine was outside during a thunderstorm and got struck by lightning. I was a bit shocked, but not as much as he was.

“What’s the difference between Honecker and a telephone? None! Hang up and try again.”