puns

  • What Do You Call?

    Q. What do you call a cow that gives chocolate milk? A. An Utter Delight!

  • The Party II

    Special bonus, two for the price of one! The party was in full swing, the drink going down several well-lubricated throats. One of the guests was a Scot, wearing the traditional kilt, and a couple of the more adventurous girls were teasing him, asking him if anything was worn under his kilt. He replied, “No,…

  • Some puns

    Are part-time band leaders semiconductors? If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe? Does killing time damage eternity? Daylight savings time – why are they saving it and where do they keep it? Do pilots in a hurry take crash-courses? How do you get off a nonstop flight?

  • Church

    Child: Mum, can I wear those really nice jeans with the hole in the knee to church? Mother: No honey, you can’t wear holy jeans to church!

  • Forest

    How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

  • Elephants

    Why don’t elephants smoke? Their butts don’t fit in the ash tray

  • What’s Weirder?

    Q: What’s weirder than a talking dog? A: A spelling bee!

  • Collecting Unemployment

    Collecting Unemployment Ole and Sven worked together and both were laid off, so they headed over to the unemployment office. When Ole was asked his occupation, he replied, “Panty stitcher. I sew elastic onto cotton panties.” The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classed as unskilled labor, so she gave Ole $250 a…

  • Marble – Ous

    Marble is a valuable building material and should not be taken for granite.

  • Blockbuster

    The movie producer was planning his next blockbuster – an action docudrama about famous composers. So he set up a meeting with Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger and offered them the chance to select which famous musicians they’d portray. “Chopin has always been my favorite,” said Van Damme. “That’s the part for…

  • Door Knockers

    Q: Why did the scientist install a door knocker on his door and not a door bell? A: He wanted to win the No-Bell (Nobel) prize!

  • Lorraine

    There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it…