puns

There was a couple doing yard work, and the wife stops to go up and take a shower. The husband is looking for the rake and yells to his wife, who looks out of the upstairs bathroom window, “Where’s the rake?” She can’t hear him, so he points to his eye (I), points to his…

Q: How can you tell when a bucket gets sick? A: It becomes a little pale.

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: ”Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come…

What’s the difference between the Library of Congress and the House of Representatives? In the Library of Congress you’re not allowed to lick the pages!

Why are there no phone books in China? Because there are so many Wing’s and Wong’s, they are afraid you will Wing the Wong number.

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

What is a definition of a ” suicide bomber”? Answer: “martyr-dumb”

Girl 1: “This morning my dad gave me soap-flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast!” Girl 2: “I bet you were angry with him!” Girl 1: “Angry?! I was foaming at the mouth!”

My grandfather invented the rear-view mirror. Made millions – hasn’t looked back since!

What was the principal singer of nineteenth century opera called? Pre-Madonna!

How does Clinton divert his attention from the latest controversy? He just keeps on plugging away.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.