puns

There was once a very influential farmer in a remote part of China, who had a problem. His chickens were losing their feathers and dying. He sought the counsel of the two wise men in town, Hing, who was scientist, and Ming, who was a sorcerer. Hing, who has had many advanced course hours in…

What do you call a lion wearing a hat? A Dandy Lion.

The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and…

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea – one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, “I’m bored and frustrated at being a prawn,…

Little Brother: How long is a strong? Big Sister: Huh? Little Brother: Well, I’ve heard of a week…

When ice skating, never judge a brook by its cover.

What did the bald man say when he was given a comb for his birthday? “Oh, thank you! I’ll never part with it!”

A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band. Finally, the captain said, “Either you learn to keep time or I’ll throw you overboard. . . . It’s up to you, sync or swim.”

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. known as: “Millennia Year Application Software System” (MYASS). Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an…

“Hey Sean, I’ve got a job lined up for you, can you turn up tomorrow, about tenish?” “Tennish? I don’t even have a racket”

101 Hot ‘n’ Spicy Meals by Tung Payne