puns

A young man was in town looking for a little something from the ladies. A cab driver gave him an address and told him he could find anything he wanted there. When the young man arrived, he saw a door with a small panel on it. He knocked and the panel slid open. A female…

Seems Paris Hilton is having visits from a speech therapist – she’s having trouble finishing a sentence!

There was a nearly-new television for sale the other day. It has a 42-inch plasma screen, and I bought it for $50. The only thing wrong was that there was no volume control – but at that price, I couldn’t turn it down!

A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the joke was that of a young woman. The joke was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back. The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman. The detective…

Two wrongs do not make a right, but three rights make a left.

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down. “Is this yours?” he…

The FBI and the DEA are joining efforts and will be assigning some of their agents to a quasi-FBI/DEA enforcement team specifically targeting the illegal allergy pills sales that occur on the black market. The agents will be called “Pseudo Feds.”

Ryan: Hey Philip, what’s that on your leg? Philip: A shoe! Ryan: Gesundheit! Philip: No, you idiot, a shoe! Ryan: No need to thank me, gesundheit!

You know that all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other and they finally got married and had a little one—a real SWEET POTATO whom they called “YAM”. They wanted the best for little Yam, telling her all about the facts of life. They warned her about going out…

Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A. Slow down and use a lubricant. Q. What’s six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? A. Money. Q. What’s the difference between your wife and your job? A. After five years your job will still suck. Q. How can you spot…

A test-tube baby has a womb with a view.

One day a three legged dog walked into a bar. He said, “I’m looking for the guy that shot my paw.”