puns

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

Larry Lobster and Sam Clam were best friends; they did everything together. The only difference between them was that Larry was the nicest lobster ever, and Sam, well,let’s just say he was not so good. Larry and Sam did so much together that they even died together, but while Larry went to heaven, Sam went…

Two carrots are walking down the street one day when a car suddenly comes flying around the corner and runs one of them over. At the hospital, the doctor says to the other carrot, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is your friend is going to live. The bad news is…

The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven’s Ninth. In the piece, there’s a long passage of about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming…

She was only a whisky maker’s daughter, but he loved her still.

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?” “Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”

A road crew is making a giant freeway, when they come across a sign and a lever. The sign reads “pull lever and end world”. The workers decide not to pull the lever just in case. One night, a man named Nate is driving home. He does not see the sign, so he gets out…

Q: What do you get if you drop a piano on the seventh dwarf? A: A diminished seventh!

I heard they were going to name a highway after Willie Nelson in Texas… But be Warned: When taking this highway look out for pot holes!

How are opera singers and sailors alike? They both have to handle the high seas(Cs)!

What happens to a scone when you have eaten it? It’s scone.

FOREST WARDEN: “Which of you saw this rare tree get cut down? CAMPER: “Only the chain saw.”