puns

  • Two Italians on a Bus

    A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: ”Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come…

  • Congress

    What’s the difference between the Library of Congress and the House of Representatives? In the Library of Congress you’re not allowed to lick the pages!

  • Phonebook Dilemma

    Why are there no phone books in China? Because there are so many Wing’s and Wong’s, they are afraid you will Wing the Wong number.

  • Well Informed

    Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

  • Definition

    What is a definition of a ” suicide bomber”? Answer: “martyr-dumb”

  • Flakes

    Girl 1: “This morning my dad gave me soap-flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast!” Girl 2: “I bet you were angry with him!” Girl 1: “Angry?! I was foaming at the mouth!”

  • Will You Look At That!

    My grandfather invented the rear-view mirror. Made millions – hasn’t looked back since!

  • Principal Singer

    What was the principal singer of nineteenth century opera called? Pre-Madonna!

  • Still More Clinton

    How does Clinton divert his attention from the latest controversy? He just keeps on plugging away.

  • Piano

    Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

  • Mozart Beyond the Grave

    When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.The priest bent close to the grave…

  • Fortune Teller

    A fortune teller escaped from prison and became a small medium at large.