puns

Q: Why could Long John Silver never find an aspirin? A: ‘Cause his parrots ate them all.

What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks

A foot. (leg-end)

Fe Fe Fe | / Fe –*– Fe / | Fe Fe Fe A ferris wheel

A young man worked at an aquarium feading the animals, cleaning the tanks and the like. One day his boss came to him and said, “We have a group of second-graders coming for a field trip in about thirty minutes and the dolphins are getting ‘playful’. The only thing that will make the dolphins behave…

In the future, man is exploring the universe. Due to the excessive cost, they can only send out small teams of explorers to search and investigate the millions of planets they come across. One such team lands on a barren planet that seems to be just one big rock. As they investigate, their sensors pick…

What did the lunch lady say to the boiled egg? You’re in hot water now!!!

Q. How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker had for Christmas? A. He felt his presence!

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, “Here’s a pill for English literature.” The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English…

How does the barber cut the moon’s hair? E-clipse it

It was a sweltering August day when the Greenberg brothers entered the posh Dearborn, Michigan offices of the notoriously anti-Semitic car-maker, Henry Ford. “Mr. Ford,” announced Hyman Greenberg, the eldest of the three, “we have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize the automobile industry.” Ford looked skeptical, but their threats to offer it to the…

What do you call the planters guy beating up fruit spread? Peanut battering jelly.