puns

The Reverend Paul Fuzz was the pastor of a small congregation in a little town. One day, as he was walking down Main Street, he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking. He felt this was very sinful and definitely not something a member of his congregation…

What did the dog say to the driver who was driving behind him? Get off my tail!

A man goes to a fancy dress party, dressed from head to toe in green, carrying a woman on his back. The host asks, “What have you come as?” He replies, “I’m a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle!” The host says, “Why have you a woman on your back?” “Oh, that’s Michelle,” he replies. (My shell)

Wear tank tops and support your right to bare arms.

Have you heard about camping? It’s intense. (In tents!)

Vegetable: “Hey, lets get married.” Fruit: “I’m sorry.” Vegetable: “We could secretly get married.” Fruit: “No, we couldn’t.” Vegetable: “Why?” Fruit: “Because we can’t elope.” Can’t elope = cantelope

One day two robins walked along the road, planning their day. Robin #1:Oh my god, we totally have to get some bronzing oil! Robin #2:Duh, I mean if are going to spend the whole day at the beach we totally have to! That day while the robins were tanning on the beach a big bad…

With what kind of bread do elves make their sandwiches? Shortbread!

Why don’t skeletons ever play music at church? Because they don’t have any organs!

There was a family of gnus, and one day, Mr Gnu went out to get some food but was ambushed and eaten by a pride of lions. Next salute, a poacher shoots Mrs Gnu, leaving poor Baby Gnu to starve to death. Well, that’s the end of the gnus; here’s the weather . . .

Why do melons get married in church? – Because they cantaloupe.

There was once a very influential farmer in a remote part of China, who had a problem. His chickens were losing their feathers and dying. He sought the counsel of the two wise men in town, Hing, who was scientist, and Ming, who was a sorcerer. Hing, who has had many advanced course hours in…