puns

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

1. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.” 2. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 3. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before. 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other…

“Transportation in the Middle Ages” by Orson Cart. “Growing up in the Balkans” by Hugo Slavia. “The Outboard Motor Died” by Rhoda Shaw. “Answering the Questions of the Universe” by Howard I. Know. “Our Son, Russell, the Chef” by Mr. & Mrs. Upsumgrub. “How to Write a Mystery Novel” by Paige Turner. “The Great English…

The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old…

The other day I was watching the news and there was the strangest story. You see a man went to Huck’s gas station and was filling up his red gas holder for emergencies during the winter, and when he put the cap on some sloshed out onto his arm. He didn’t think anything of it…

A man’s wife was in labor with their first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly the man’s wife began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!!” The man said,”Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife?!” The doctor replied, “Nothing. She’s just having contractions.”

Do bakers with a sense of humor bake wry bread?

Band Class is the only class where you can blow it.

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean. Editor’s note: Mean can mean both not nice but another definition is average.

What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko.

In “The Greatest Story Ever Told”, John Wayne played a centurion at the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. One of his lines was, “Truly he is the Son of God!” The director felt John W. wasn’t putting enough into it, and asked him to deliver the line again, but with a little more emphasis – “to…

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.