puns

What do you call 2 lesbians in a cupboard? A: A liquor cabinet!

What do you get if you cross a rhino and and elephant? Elepf-ino (pronounced “Hell if I know”)

Q: Why didn’t Cain please God? A: Because he just wasn’t Able.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi!

Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils!

Did you hear about the woman who poured margaritas in her birdbath? Enough tequila mockingbird.

A very mean, nasty, unattractive woman enters the Wal-Mart store with her two kids. The Wal-Mart greeter says hello to the kids and then hello to the lady who just grunts at the greeter in return. The greeter asks the lady, “Great kids! Are they twins?” “No,” replies the lady, “one is 9 the other…

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. “How was he killed?” asked one detective. “With a golf gun.” answered the other detective. “A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?” asked the first detective. “I don’t know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!”

Q: Why did the witch buy a computer? A: She needed the spellcheck

A backward poet writes inverse.

Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, and getting in and out past incredible security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such…

After Receiving an Invitation to an Inventors’ Ball: Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience. Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam. Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco. Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight. Morse’s reply: “I’ll be there on the dot. Can’t…