puns

“Hey Sean, I’ve got a job lined up for you, can you turn up tomorrow, about tenish?” “Tennish? I don’t even have a racket”

101 Hot ‘n’ Spicy Meals by Tung Payne

Sign outside a Chinese restaurant: Try our curries, you’ll never get better.

If winners never quit, and quitters never win… Who was the fool who said, “Quit while you’re ahead”.

What is more peculiar than watching a catfish? Watching a goldfish bowl.

Most people worry about getting AIDS from sex. Bill Clinton worries about getting sex from aides.

Two ships, one carrying lots of red paint, the other carrying lots of purple paint, crashed on a desert island. The drivers are now marooned.

BOB: Hey, I ran into George the other day. JOE: Oh, really? Was he happy to see you? BOB: Well, we were in our cars at the time…

Did you hear about the eyeglasses maker who moved his shop to an island off Alaska and is now known as an optical Aleutian?

I saw a girl the other day. I didn’t like her because she was a butter face. You know ‘butter face’ – she has a hot joke, but her face . . .

A man was on a game show. He was on his final question; all he had to do was answer that question right, and he would win 1 million dollars! The game show host said, “All right, for your final question: ‘What are the names of three of Santa’s reindeer?’” The man grinned and said,…

Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.” Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”