puns

  • Definition

    What is a definition of a ” suicide bomber”? Answer: “martyr-dumb”

  • Flakes

    Girl 1: “This morning my dad gave me soap-flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast!” Girl 2: “I bet you were angry with him!” Girl 1: “Angry?! I was foaming at the mouth!”

  • Will You Look At That!

    My grandfather invented the rear-view mirror. Made millions – hasn’t looked back since!

  • Principal Singer

    What was the principal singer of nineteenth century opera called? Pre-Madonna!

  • Still More Clinton

    How does Clinton divert his attention from the latest controversy? He just keeps on plugging away.

  • Piano

    Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

  • Mozart Beyond the Grave

    When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.The priest bent close to the grave…

  • Fortune Teller

    A fortune teller escaped from prison and became a small medium at large.

  • Three Flat Tires

    A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.” The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered three…

  • Good Ol’ Willy Wagstaff

    If Henry IV were cloned, would he be Henry V, or Henry IV Jr. or, would he be Henry IV Part II? (Willy Wagstaff, more usually known as William Shakespeare)

  • Wailing Wall

    A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks, “You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that,…

  • Great Plains

    Teacher: John, where are the Great Plains? John: At the airport.