puns

On a Septic Tank Truck sign: “We’re #1 in the #2 business.” ************************** Sign over a Gynaecologist?s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.” ************************** At a Proctologist’s door: “To expedite your visit please back in.” ************************** On a Plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.” ************************** At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us…

Did you know diarhea is part of your inheritence? Ya, it flows in our genes.

Three Indian women are sitting side by side. The first, sitting on a goatskin, has a son who weighs 170 pounds. The second, sitting on a deerskin, has a son who weighs 130 pounds. The third, seated on a hippopotamus hide, weighs 300 pounds. What famous theorem does this illustrate? The squaw on the hippopotamus…

Eminem/ M & M: I don’t like the rapper, but I like the candy inside the wrapper.

A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, “I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, whom I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours.” The banker said, “Yes, he certainly was trusted, and he will be tried as soon as we catch him.”

Question: What is brown and sticky? Answer: A stick! Duh.

Once upon a time in India, the Bengal tiger was on the brink of extinction, due to a vigorous hunting season. So, Prince Naranjahah ordered that no one shall kill another Bengal. Well, this led to the over abundance in zoos and animal shelters, and one day, the tigers broke loose and started attacking the…

A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. “Mother Mole!” He called back down the hole. “Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!” The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next…

There once was an American Indian whose given name was “OneStone”. He was so named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him OneStone. After years and years of torment, OneStone finally cracked and said, “If anyone calls me OneStone again, I will kill them!” Word…

A boy asked to his girl friends: What does a gay cow eat? all of his friends failed to answer. Then he stood up, and with a gay-est falsetto voice he said: Haaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!

My friend and I were in a record store to buy a 45-speed record of his favourite song. After he located it, he realized that he had forgotten his wallet. Instead of going out and getting his wallet, he decided to get a five-finger discount (shoplift) so he put it down his pants. Well, as…

What did the statue say to the other after a break-up and make-up? I’m sorry I took you for granite. (granted) hahahaha