puns

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?” “Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”

A road crew is making a giant freeway, when they come across a sign and a lever. The sign reads “pull lever and end world”. The workers decide not to pull the lever just in case. One night, a man named Nate is driving home. He does not see the sign, so he gets out…

Q: What do you get if you drop a piano on the seventh dwarf? A: A diminished seventh!

I heard they were going to name a highway after Willie Nelson in Texas… But be Warned: When taking this highway look out for pot holes!

How are opera singers and sailors alike? They both have to handle the high seas(Cs)!

What happens to a scone when you have eaten it? It’s scone.

FOREST WARDEN: “Which of you saw this rare tree get cut down? CAMPER: “Only the chain saw.”

Why does Tigger smell so bad? Cause he’s always hanging out with Pooh.

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear.

A mother complained to a doctor about her daughter’s strange eating habits. “All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?” “Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Eventually, she’ll rise and shine.

How does a sperm bank treat its donors? On a first come, first serve basis.

As the plane was flying low over hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: “What’s that stuff on those hills?” “Just snow,” replied the stewardess. “That’s what I thought,” said the lady, “but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece.”