puns

Did you see that movie about the pirate? It’s rated Arrr!

If a rabbit were racing cabbage, who would win? The cabbage, because it’s a head.

A wig factory was broken into last night and a large quantity of wigs was stolen. Police are combing the area.

What did Margie say about her brain surgeon? “I really gave him a piece of my mind!”

Why did the melon jump into the water? Because it wanted to be a watermelon!

There were two high school friends, Artie and Dominick, who did everything together, and were the absolute best of friends. Then they went off to different colleges and were separated for several years. One day, however, Artie was sitting and a bar and looks over and sees his old friend Dominic. “Dominic?” he shouts. “Artie?”…

The pub landlord was delighted with the little puppy that he’d acquired, and the little puppy was very pleased with his new home. He’d run around the place, just a bundle of energy – very inquisitive, examining this, looking into that, non-stop all day, until the inevitable happened and he caught his tail in a…

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow’s ear. The farmer didn’t think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. So the farmer says…

What is the difference between unlawful and illegal? Unlawful is against the law. Illegal is a sick bird.

Thor: The Scandinavian god of acheth and painth.

Everyjoke who has a dog calls it something like “Rover” or “Spot” or “Bruno” But I thought I’d call my dog “Sex.” Now my dog, Sex, has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the city hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He…

Joseph, a rather religous man with a rather large sweet-tooth, had voleentered at the church bake sale. Business was booming, at least around noon, but by two o’clock, it was practically barren. While no one was looking he took a donut from the table. On his way home he started to feel guilty. “It was…