puns

How are opera singers and sailors alike? They both have to handle the high seas(Cs)!

What happens to a scone when you have eaten it? It’s scone.

FOREST WARDEN: “Which of you saw this rare tree get cut down? CAMPER: “Only the chain saw.”

Why does Tigger smell so bad? Cause he’s always hanging out with Pooh.

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear.

A mother complained to a doctor about her daughter’s strange eating habits. “All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?” “Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Eventually, she’ll rise and shine.

How does a sperm bank treat its donors? On a first come, first serve basis.

As the plane was flying low over hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: “What’s that stuff on those hills?” “Just snow,” replied the stewardess. “That’s what I thought,” said the lady, “but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece.”

Joel: “How’s the progress on new house that you are building Pete?” Peter: “Things are really slow at the moment.” Joel: “Yeah, I guess all this rain would be putting a dampener on things…”

Two blond labourers looking for work arrive at a railway station, and ask for one-way tickets. The ticket-seller looks through his schedule, but can’t find the place the blonds are seeking. “But you must be able to find it,” says one. “We read in the papers that there are thousands of jobs in Jeopardy!”

CAT 1- So how’d that milk drinking contest go? CAT 2- Oh, I won by six laps.

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.