puns

What’s the difference between the Library of Congress and the House of Representatives? In the Library of Congress you’re not allowed to lick the pages!

Why are there no phone books in China? Because there are so many Wing’s and Wong’s, they are afraid you will Wing the Wong number.

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

What is a definition of a ” suicide bomber”? Answer: “martyr-dumb”

Girl 1: “This morning my dad gave me soap-flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast!” Girl 2: “I bet you were angry with him!” Girl 1: “Angry?! I was foaming at the mouth!”

My grandfather invented the rear-view mirror. Made millions – hasn’t looked back since!

What was the principal singer of nineteenth century opera called? Pre-Madonna!

How does Clinton divert his attention from the latest controversy? He just keeps on plugging away.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.The priest bent close to the grave…

A fortune teller escaped from prison and became a small medium at large.

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.” The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered three…