puns

I learned French in six easy liasons.

Q: What did one chart say to the other? A: “My! You’re awfully graphic!”

We all know the world war II games right?And they also have the Thompson gun which belongs to the Americans and British. There is a 2nd meaning. (Capital letters make for Thompson not just the beginning words.If you know what I mean) Thompson means:Theories Having Oatmeal Mayhem.Prefers to Sadness because Oatmeal is Numb. Capital letters…

A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach. The marriage counselor told him, “If you wish to save your marriage, you’d better be a little boulder.”

One day 4 Friars decided to take an early retirement. So they retired and spent most of their time at home. Getting bored with retirement they decided they needed to try something new. After talking it over they decided to open a floral shop in the town. They knew a bit about gardening and could…

Hey, have any of you heard of the kidnapping in the woods? Yeah, well, it all turns out OK, though, since he woke up…

Why was everyone at the fancy King Crab Night Diner arrested? They were breaking the claw! So punny!

Why is Mississippi River unusual? Because it has four eyes and can’t see!

Fool me once shame on you Fool me twice shame on me Fool me thrice you are not nice Fool me four times and I am gonna cap your sorry ass.

On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.

I hear some rich guy wants to build a tavern at the top of Mount Everest. Talk about raising the bar high!

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. “No,” he said, “the steaks are too high.”