puns

A sailor trying to sneak back to his ship about 3 o’clock in the morning was spotted by a chief petty officer who ordered him to explain his tardiness. The lame explanation didn’t work. “Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it’s the brig for you,” the chief…

A paper bag goes to his doctor, who says; “Your test results are back, and I’m afraid I have bad news. You have AIDS. “That’s impossible,” cried the paper bag, “I’ve not had any form of sexual contact, nor am I a drug user!” “In that case,” said the doctor, “your father must have been…

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Ferraro 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Ferraro dealer and…

A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger’s hat was made of brown wrapping paper. Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were also made of paper. As were…

Tons of puns Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery. A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative. My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it’s just kiln time. Dijon vu: the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating: always use condiments. I…

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said “Is that the local swimming baths?” He said, “It depends where you’re calling from.”

Why was Monica Lewinsky in the White House after hours? Clinton was showing her the proper way to take “dic”tation.

There was a big moron and a little moron, sitting on a ledge. The big moron fell off. Why? Because the little moron was a little more on.

Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking female flies. One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of horse manure and dives down toward her. “Pardon me,” he says, turning on his best charm, “…but is this stool taken?”

Time may fly, but does it have wings?

Mik and mak are having a pillow fight. Mak whacks mik hard. Mik yells “are you jamaican because ja maican me crazy!”

Q: What type of storage units do underwater computers use? A: Trilo-bytes