puns

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Bloke stayed up all night, wondering where the sun had gone; then it dawned on him.

I went into the kitchen, and there was a tap on the window. Not using that plumber again!

What do you call a bear who’s into gardening? A Hairy Potter!

Since workaholics are people addicted to work and chocaholics are people addicted to chocolate, are catholics people addicted to cats?

A genetic scientist managed to create dolphins that would live to 250 years of age – if they were fed seagulls. One day the scientist’s supply of gulls ran out, so he went out to trap some more. On the way back, he came upon two sleeping lions. Not wanting to wake the big cats,…

Outside a small Macedonian village, close to the border between Greece and strife-torn Yugoslavia, a lone Catholic nun keeps a quiet watch over a silent convent. She is the last caretaker of a site of significant historic developments. The convent once served as a base for the army of Attila the Hun. In more ancient…

Most people don’t know that back in 1912 Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the “Titanic” was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. Mexicans were crazy about the stuff.…

I’ve been out of work for a while, so when I found a job sorting salt and pepper, I was most pleased. The only drawback is that it’s seasonal work.

The Russians were called “Reds,” a long while ago. So a war general named Rudolf walks into a bakery. The baker starts talking about owning a reindeer. He starts asking questions about it to the general. When the baker gets home, he tells his wife, “Rudolf the Red knows reindeer!”

This guy walks into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender, “Got any specials today?” The bartender replies,  “Yes, as a matter of fact, we have a new drink that was invented by a gynecologist who is a patron of ours. It’s a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and Smirnoff vodka.” The guy asks, “Geez, what kind…

What do you get when the post office burns down? A case of black mail.