puns

How did Alfo make a quart of juice from 3 oranges? It was a tight squeeze.

The masked and armed man entered the bank. “Nojoke move, or you’re geography!” shouts the bandit. One of the tellers says, “Don’t you mean ‘history’?” “Don’t change the subject!”

Why did the kid like the bowl of carrots and peas? Because he could eat every carrot and pea in the bowl.

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Bloke stayed up all night, wondering where the sun had gone; then it dawned on him.

I went into the kitchen, and there was a tap on the window. Not using that plumber again!

What do you call a bear who’s into gardening? A Hairy Potter!

Since workaholics are people addicted to work and chocaholics are people addicted to chocolate, are catholics people addicted to cats?

A genetic scientist managed to create dolphins that would live to 250 years of age – if they were fed seagulls. One day the scientist’s supply of gulls ran out, so he went out to trap some more. On the way back, he came upon two sleeping lions. Not wanting to wake the big cats,…

Outside a small Macedonian village, close to the border between Greece and strife-torn Yugoslavia, a lone Catholic nun keeps a quiet watch over a silent convent. She is the last caretaker of a site of significant historic developments. The convent once served as a base for the army of Attila the Hun. In more ancient…

Most people don’t know that back in 1912 Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the “Titanic” was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. Mexicans were crazy about the stuff.…

I’ve been out of work for a while, so when I found a job sorting salt and pepper, I was most pleased. The only drawback is that it’s seasonal work.