puns

A man’s wife was in labor with their first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly the man’s wife began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!!” The man said,”Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife?!” The doctor replied, “Nothing. She’s just having contractions.”

Do bakers with a sense of humor bake wry bread?

Band Class is the only class where you can blow it.

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean. Editor’s note: Mean can mean both not nice but another definition is average.

What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko.

In “The Greatest Story Ever Told”, John Wayne played a centurion at the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. One of his lines was, “Truly he is the Son of God!” The director felt John W. wasn’t putting enough into it, and asked him to deliver the line again, but with a little more emphasis – “to…

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

What do you call 2 lesbians in a cupboard? A: A liquor cabinet!

What do you get if you cross a rhino and and elephant? Elepf-ino (pronounced “Hell if I know”)

Q: Why didn’t Cain please God? A: Because he just wasn’t Able.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi!

Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils!