puns

I’ve been out of work for a while, so when I found a job sorting salt and pepper, I was most pleased. The only drawback is that it’s seasonal work.

The Russians were called “Reds,” a long while ago. So a war general named Rudolf walks into a bakery. The baker starts talking about owning a reindeer. He starts asking questions about it to the general. When the baker gets home, he tells his wife, “Rudolf the Red knows reindeer!”

This guy walks into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender, “Got any specials today?” The bartender replies,  “Yes, as a matter of fact, we have a new drink that was invented by a gynecologist who is a patron of ours. It’s a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and Smirnoff vodka.” The guy asks, “Geez, what kind…

What do you get when the post office burns down? A case of black mail.

Why should you look out for a pig that knows karate? It might give you a pork chop!

Two bulls are in a locker room when one guy notices the other dude has a cork in his ass. He says, “How’d you get a cork in your ass?” The other bull says, “I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a…

Once upon a time, long, long ago there were two unique lions in the jungles of Africa. Both, it seems, had human-like qualities that allowed them to claim territory, daring the other to cross over the line. Strange as it seems, the boundary between their turf became a well traveled trail through the jungle. All…

I gave up Thai boxing because I felt the Thais were getting fed up being put in boxes.

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

What did the sick pony say to its mother? I’m a little hoarse.

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as Brown-n-Serve, Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack,…

Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, “You were always so organized in school. Did you manage to live a well planned life?” “Yes,” said her friend. “My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to…