puns

If I were to be pun-ish-ed For every little pun I shed I’d hide me to a punny shed And there I’d hang my punnish head.

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows…

Why does Clinton wants a postage stamp issued in his image? So he gets licked more often.

It’s a little known fact that William Tell and his son were avid bowlers as well as archery buffs. Unfortunately, all the league records were destroyed in a fire, so it may never be known for whom the Tells bowled.

A man went to his dentist because he has a strange feeling in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?” The man replies, “All I can think of is that about four months ago my…

I’m not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint. At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.

A guy goes to a fancy French restaurant. He’s feeling adventurous, so he decides to order the squid. He is told that they are kept alive in a small aquarium in the restaurant, so that they are really fresh. As he’s ordered squid, he can choose which squid he would like to eat! He goes…

You probably know for a fact that Adolf Hitler had only one testicle. And here we say ”You got to have balls to become a leader”

(I put the pun words in CAPS) A man was smoking in a no smoking restaurant. Mik went up to him and said “sir, you’ll have to leave’. The smoker said to mik “what if I dont wanna, yeah?, what’ll ya do then?” Mak walked up to the smoking man’s face and said ‘leave. this…

Joe and Frank were in the office, and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3×5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out. Joe wrote, “The office workers should all be given raises!” When he looked at Frank’s…

What do you call a one-legged lady? Eileen!

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He’s all right now. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink. How…