puns

  • The Party III

    A man goes to a fancy dress party, dressed from head to toe in green, carrying a woman on his back. The host asks, “What have you come as?” He replies, “I’m a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle!” The host says, “Why have you a woman on your back?” “Oh, that’s Michelle,” he replies. (My shell)

  • bare Arms

    Wear tank tops and support your right to bare arms.

  • Camping

    Have you heard about camping? It’s intense. (In tents!)

  • The Fruit and Vegetable

    Vegetable: “Hey, lets get married.” Fruit: “I’m sorry.” Vegetable: “We could secretly get married.” Fruit: “No, we couldn’t.” Vegetable: “Why?” Fruit: “Because we can’t elope.” Can’t elope = cantelope

  • Baskin Robins

    One day two robins walked along the road, planning their day. Robin #1:Oh my god, we totally have to get some bronzing oil! Robin #2:Duh, I mean if are going to spend the whole day at the beach we totally have to! That day while the robins were tanning on the beach a big bad…

  • Bread

    With what kind of bread do elves make their sandwiches? Shortbread!

  • Skin and Bones

    Why don’t skeletons ever play music at church? Because they don’t have any organs!

  • No Gnus is Good Gnus

    There was a family of gnus, and one day, Mr Gnu went out to get some food but was ambushed and eaten by a pride of lions. Next salute, a poacher shoots Mrs Gnu, leaving poor Baby Gnu to starve to death. Well, that’s the end of the gnus; here’s the weather . . .

  • Melancholy

    Why do melons get married in church? – Because they cantaloupe.

  • Farmer Has Problems

    There was once a very influential farmer in a remote part of China, who had a problem. His chickens were losing their feathers and dying. He sought the counsel of the two wise men in town, Hing, who was scientist, and Ming, who was a sorcerer. Hing, who has had many advanced course hours in…

  • Lion in a Hat

    What do you call a lion wearing a hat? A Dandy Lion.

  • The Tollbooth

    The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and…