puns

What is more peculiar than watching a catfish? Watching a goldfish bowl.

Most people worry about getting AIDS from sex. Bill Clinton worries about getting sex from aides.

Two ships, one carrying lots of red paint, the other carrying lots of purple paint, crashed on a desert island. The drivers are now marooned.

BOB: Hey, I ran into George the other day. JOE: Oh, really? Was he happy to see you? BOB: Well, we were in our cars at the time…

Did you hear about the eyeglasses maker who moved his shop to an island off Alaska and is now known as an optical Aleutian?

I saw a girl the other day. I didn’t like her because she was a butter face. You know ‘butter face’ – she has a hot joke, but her face . . .

A man was on a game show. He was on his final question; all he had to do was answer that question right, and he would win 1 million dollars! The game show host said, “All right, for your final question: ‘What are the names of three of Santa’s reindeer?’” The man grinned and said,…

Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.” Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

Route 66 says to the country road: Hey, man, you straight? Country road says: Heck no, I’m a byway!

Two Eskimos sitting in their boat were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the boat, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)… The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer…

A man was out of work, and he was combing through the want ads. He saw that a school was looking for a bus driver, so he called and was asked to come for an interview. He got the job, and was surprised when he went out and found that the bus was garishly painted…