puns

There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested in making a dollar where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time. Eventually the local church decided to do a big…

– A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. – Dijon vu – the same mustard as before. – Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. – A hangover is the wrath of grapes. – Sea captains don’t like crew cuts. – Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? – Reading…

Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop. One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment. The first guy was charged with breaking and entering; and the second with leaving the scene of an…

My geometry tutor told me, “A six-sided polygon is called a hexagon, a five-sided one is called a pentagon.” “What about two sided ones?” I asked. “They don’t exist,” was his response. “I beg to differ! I think we should just let bi-gons be bi-gons.”

Q: What did the older lightbulb say to the younger lightbulb? A: You’re too young to go out tonight.

Clones are people two.

How many ADHD kids does it take to change a lightbulb? It takes twenty se- hey, this is in the wrong cat!

You know you’re a redneck when your brand new tv is sitting on your old ones.

A Pokemon Trainer walks into a STD help center. The nurse there says “Sorry, but it looks like you’ve caught ’em all”

Q: What did the little chick say when his mom laid an orange? A: Look at the orange-mama-lade!

Movie stars are a reel treat!

A boy go to a girls house and notice her home is very messy and full of paper and clay pot and clothing all over. The boy tell her he bring some pot to her and she answer there is clay pot all over home.