redneck

90 percent of people in Idaho say, “Oh shit!” when in a car wreck, The other ten percent say, “Hold my beer and watch this shit!”

You might be a redneck if… You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can’t remember how old your children are.

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name: (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed Spouse’s Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt…

If you name your kids after dead family pets you just might be a redneck!

You know you’re a redneck if you would rather your son have his own hunting show than become a doctor.

A redneck is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don’t seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach…

40 Things Never Said By Southerners 40. Oh I just couldn’t. Hell, she’s only sixteen. 39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 38. Duct tape won’t fix that. 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. 36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken. 35. We don’t keep firearms in this house. 34.…

– Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch. – You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored. – You think the French Riviera is a foreign car. – You think you are an entrepreneur because of the “Dirt for Sale” sign in the front yard. – You’re still scalping tickets after the concert is…

WINDERS 98 MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the…

A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son Dear Son, I’m writing this slow ’cause I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won’t be able to send you…

A couple are getting married in a big fancy church with all of the relatives and friends in attendance. The priest is going through the nomal procedure and when he comes to the part “If anyone objects to the union of these two people in Holy Matrimony let them speak now or for ever hold…

…if you refer to the fifth grade as, “your senior year”.