redneck

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500 man elite fighting unit called the US Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These North Carolina, South Carolina, Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas and Tennessee boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given the following facts about Terrorists: 1. The season opened…

Q: How does a redneck take a bubble bath? A: He farts in a puddle

#1 rule of a redneck- If duck tape don’t fix it (doubt it), mount it on the wall instead.

While visiting a relative in Chicago, a University of Alabama student went to a party where he met a very attractive co-ed. Attempting to strike up a conversation with her, he asked, “Where does you go to school?” The co-ed, not at all impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, thought she would at least…

Billy Bob caught his friend Bubba searching high and low all around his living room. Billy Bob said, “What are you searching for?” Bubba replies, “Hidden cameras!” “And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?” says Billy Bob. Bubba said, “That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why, every…

You might be redneck if you’ve totaled every car you’ve owned.

Q:What do you call a 500 pound Russian that can bend you like a bendy straw? A:Sir

You think “Going the extra mile” means using toothpaste. You take a bar of soap to your local pool. Your dentures have fillings. Your idea of conservation is moving your Saturday night bath to every other Saturday night. Your wife has ever burnt out an electric razor. Your medical plan is not to get sick.

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over “Ebonics,” has decided to designate Southern slang, or “Hickphonics,” as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary: Hire yew – noun. Greeting – How are you – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: “Howdy. How…

Signs you’re a redneck Jedi; -You ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.” -Your Jedi robe is camouflage. -You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. -At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored. -You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok. -You…

If you met your wife on a hunting trip you just might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you think that “home security” means taking the front steps to your trailer with you when you leave the house.