redneck

You might be a redneck if… You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.

There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river.…

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Mobile, Alabama to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, “I want my $20 million.” The man replied, “No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread…

They’re fat

You know your a redneck if… You tell your kids the facts of life and they interrupt you with corrections. You’ve ever given your date flowers from a cemetery. You proposed at Denny’s. The biggest compliment you got at your wedding was how cute your baby was. You had a marriage license before you had…

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Milby’s. The passenger, Bubba, said, “Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a po-lice roadblock! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!” “Don’t worry, Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers, peel off…

“Rusty Bed Spings” by I.P Nitely “Fell off a Cliff” By Ilene Dover “Bounce of a Brick Wall” by Rick O’Shey “Mini Skirts” by Seymour Buttz “Race to the Outhouse” By Willie Makit” and last but not least “Guide to One Night Stands” by Juan Teboneya”

Artery: Study of paintings Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria barium: What to do when treatment fails Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U Ceasarean Section: District in Rome Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Coma: Punctuation Mark Congenital: Friendly D & C: Where Washington is Dilate: To live long…

You might be a redneck if your honeymoon was at the family farm.

You might be a redneck if… You think mud rasslin’ should be an Olympic sport.

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife. 2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations. 3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house. 4. You’ve never thrown away…

You are a redneck if: Your pet groundhog has ever bitten more than one of your thumbs off.