redneck

A redneck taped toilet paper to his television. He said, “Hey, lookie here, now we have free paper view!”

Once there was a redneck groom about to get married. As he puts on the beaver pelt suit, he is talking to his dad. “Hey Uncle Jim, I’m kind of worried. My fiance told me she’s still a virgin.” “Why is that an issue?” the dad says. “Well, if she isn’t good enough for her…

You might be a redneck if you’ve never stayed in a hotel without stealing something

You might be a redneck if you eat cotton candy more than three times a week.

You Know You Are in a Redneck Church When… People wonder, when Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. The choir group is known as the “OK Chorale”. Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.…

One morning a boy got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of chicken wire. His father said, ‘Son, where are you going?’ The son replied, ‘I’m going to catch me some chickens.’ The father said, ‘Son, you can’t catch chickens with chicken wire.’ But the son insisted that he knew what…

You are a redneck if: you won money of your dead grandpa by playing poker with him.

You get homesick watching cops on TV.

Chapters In The “Nascar For Dummies” Book: How To Read It’s Impossible to Own Too Much Dale Earnhardt Memorabilia Jumpin’, Hollerin’ & Other Ways to Make Sure Your Favorite Driver Sees You When He Goes By at 230 Miles An Hour Roll Down Yer Winder First, *Then* Spit So You Wanna Be A Crew Chief?…

If your dog farts and YOU claim it… you might be a redneck.

Just before a new redneck had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, “Count to ten, and then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for your auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up.” The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted…

You are a redneck if: you’ve ever held a lifelong grudge over a spelling bee.