redneck

You are a redneck if: you won money of your dead grandpa by playing poker with him.

You get homesick watching cops on TV.

Chapters In The “Nascar For Dummies” Book: How To Read It’s Impossible to Own Too Much Dale Earnhardt Memorabilia Jumpin’, Hollerin’ & Other Ways to Make Sure Your Favorite Driver Sees You When He Goes By at 230 Miles An Hour Roll Down Yer Winder First, *Then* Spit So You Wanna Be A Crew Chief?…

If your dog farts and YOU claim it… you might be a redneck.

Just before a new redneck had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, “Count to ten, and then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for your auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up.” The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted…

You are a redneck if: you’ve ever held a lifelong grudge over a spelling bee.

You used a cheat sheet during your hunter’s safety test.

Redneck Compliments – Cute as a sack full of puppies. – If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it. – Gooder than grits.

You’re a redneck if: The only thing you swing a bat at is a mailbox.

What breaks up a redneck orgy? When mom and dad/uncle arrive home too soon.

You might be a redneck if you carry more than two extra tires in the back of your truck.

Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob told Lester, “Ya know, I reckon I’m about ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii.…