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redneck

  • Surgery the Redneck Way

    in

    There once was a redneck and his redneck wife. The wife didn’t want another child, and asked the redneck husband to get surgery so he can’t impregnate his wife. The redneck goes to a very expensive doctor. The doctor who is in a hurry and is sure the redneck can’t pay for his operation, just…

  • How Do You Know If You’re a Redneck?

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    How do you know if you’re a redneck? If you go to a cousin’s wedding looking for a girlfriend.

  • You Know You’re a Redneck If 2

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    Local cops know you by your nickname.

  • Ice Fishing Version 3

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    There were two guys from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to try some ice fishing. They’d heard about it up in Canada, and they took off for up there. The lakes were frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to a lake at a little bait shop and got all their…

  • You Might be a Redneck

    in

    You might be a redneck if at your wedding your tux has a sign on the back that says “sponsored by Bubba’s Chicken and Waffles!”

  • Family Tree

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    How do you know if a family tree is a redneck’s? The family tree goes straight down.

  • Wireless Security System

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    How to install a wireless security system: Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s used work boots, a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it, a really big dish. Leave a note on…

  • Hillbilly Divorce

    in

    Two hillbillies just come out of a divorce court. The ex-wife is crying her eyes out. Her ex-husband comes over and says: “There, there Missy, you’re still my sister!”

  • Redneck Fitness

    in

    You know you’re a redneck when your stair master has an ashtray!

  • Tornado and Redneck Divorce

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    Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? A: In the end, someone’s gonna lose a trailer.

  • Collection of “You Know You’re a Redneck When…”

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    This is a collection of a few of the Redneck lines I’ve heard (and can remember) over the years . . . You know you’re a redneck when: You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. Your wife weighs more than your refrigerator. Your shopping…

  • How to Talk Native Southern I

    in

    Aig – What a hen lays. Aints – He’s got aints in his paints. Paints – What cha put on your laigs of a morning. Arn – Ma’s tard of arnin. Bag – He bagged her to marry him. Bobbed – A bobbed wire fence. Bresh – He had a bresh with the law, and…