redneck

Aig – What a hen lays. Aints – He’s got aints in his paints. Paints – What cha put on your laigs of a morning. Arn – Ma’s tard of arnin. Bag – He bagged her to marry him. Bobbed – A bobbed wire fence. Bresh – He had a bresh with the law, and…

What did the farmer say when his truck disappeared? Where’s my truck?

One day there is a well-educated man sitting in a redneck bar reading a book. A Redneck happens to wander over to him and asks, “Whatcha there reading Mister?” The educated man replies, “It’s a book about logic”. Confused, the redneck replies “Logic? What’s logic?” The educated man explains to the man, “Logic is the…

You might be a redneck if… The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.

Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, “Is it true they’re suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?” “Yes, Bubba, that is true.” “And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries … is that…

You are a redneck if: you’ve ever killed someone over a “kick me” sign.

You might be a redneck if your dad bought you a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for Christmas.

The Redneck Oil Change Checklist 1. Go to O’Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree. 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O’Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard. 3. Open a…

You might be a redneck if you’ve ever videotaped a dog loving on someone’s leg.

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?” “I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.” “I don’t mean…

Your parrot can say, “Open up, it’s the police!”

You are a redneck if: Your mother has ammo on her Christmas list!