redneck

You know you’re a redneck if you have season tickets for the tractor pull.

You are a redneck if: Directions to your house include ”Turn off the paved road…”

Minners – Live bait. Misrus – Married woman. Nar – Opposite of wide. Nayk – Your head sets on it. Nup – No. Orrel – Them hinges need orrel. Ormy – What the sojers go in. Pank – A light red color. Parch – Sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow. Petition…

Bubba finally agreed to take his wife, Sue Ellen, to a play. They had hardly sat down when he jumped up and said “Sue Ellen, we gotta go!” With Sue Ellen in tow, Bubba stomped out to the foyer, demanded his money back, and they left the theater. When they got out onto the sidewalk,…

Where is the safest place to hide money from a redneck? In his work boots! How can you tell a redneck has been in your backyard? Your bike is gone and the dog is pregnant!!

If you use your rollaway tool box for your bedroom dresser. If you are afraid to mow your lawn because you might find out where Grandma’s been for the last two months.

Q: What do you call a redneck family reunion? A: An orgy!

You are a redneck if: you have the same number of teeth as you have fingers.

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in…

Managed to remember some MORE Redneck lines while hearing a couple more. You know you’re a redneck when: You lost your virginity at the age of 11. You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut. Taking a dip has nothing to do with water. There are more than ten lawsuits currently…

“Hard drive” — Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer. “Keyboard” — 1. Place to hang your truck keys. 2. Whare you’re supposed to put da keys so da wife can find ’em. “Window” — Place in the truck to hang your guns. “Floppy”…

This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over. “You got any I.D.?” the patrolman asked. “‘Bout what?” the hillbilly replied.