redneck

A blonde woman in Georgia bought a magnolia tree from a local nursery but, after only a few months, its leaves shrivelled and it appeared to be on its last legs. She took some leaf samples back to the nursery and demanded an explanation. “Oh, I know exactly what’s wrong with your magnolia tree, ma’am,”…

A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. “Think it’s safe to cross?” the man asked. “I reckon so,” replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by…

This guy is walking along a dirt road when he stumbles upon a redneck lying on the ground with his ear in the dirt. “Are you alright? What are you doing?” the man asks but gets no answer at all. The redneck doesn’t even acknowledge that he is there. So after a while of silence…

Redneck Threats: – I’ll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtalk style. – This’ll jar your preserves. – Don’t you be making’ me open a can o’ whoop-ass on yaw!

What do you say to a redneck with a beautiful woman on his arm? “Hey, nice tattoo!”

You know you’re a redneck if your fence doubles as your clothesline

How do you confuse a redneck Ask him a question that is not about NASCAR.

You might be a redneck if you answer to more than one nickname.

Got some more Redneck lines . . . You know you’re a Redneck when: More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business. You think the stock market has a fence around it. Going to the bathroom in the middle…

You might be a redneck if you’ve ever watched a tornado from a lawn chair.

Someone approaches you to say hi and your immediate response is, “You bet I am!”

You’re probably a redneck if……………….. During your wedding, when you kissed the bride, your John Deere hat fell off.