redneck

Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if… your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles you have a shuttle called “Billy Joe Bob” he refers to Klingons as “Critters” he refers to Photon Torpedoes as “Popguns” he has the…

You might be a redneck if… Your gene pool doesn’t have a “deep end.”

Far – What get the brandin arn hot. Furred – He got furred from his job. Flar – A rose is a purdy flar. Frash – Them aigs ain’t frash. Furiners – All non-‘bamans. Further – Hits ten miles further to town. Grain – She was grain with envy. Hail – Where bad folks go.…

You might be a redneck if your swimsuit is your bra and underwear.

You might be a redneck if your baby’s first words were, “Attention, K-mart shoppers!”

One time there was 2 rednecks Bob and John. They were best friends. Bob had just gone bankrupt so he asked John if he could move in with him. Now John didn’t have a big house like Bob use to have but agreed to let him stay there till he got out of bankruptcy. The…

You might be a redneck if your bar tab has page numbers.

You are a redneck if: you’ve ever dislodged a sunflower seed from the corner of your eye.

Gull – A young female. Hale – Where General Sherman went for what he did to Etlanna. Moanin – Between daybreak and noon. Motuhsickle – A two-wheeled missile with a powerful engine. Nekkid – To be unclothed. Ovair – In that direction. Own – Instead of awf. Phrasin – Very cold. Sebmup – Soft drink…

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500 man elite fighting unit called the US Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These North Carolina, South Carolina, Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas and Tennessee boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given the following facts about Terrorists: 1. The season opened…

Q: How does a redneck take a bubble bath? A: He farts in a puddle

#1 rule of a redneck- If duck tape don’t fix it (doubt it), mount it on the wall instead.