redneck

Rainch – A big cow farm. Rat – Do it rat now! Rench – Rench the soap yourself. Roont – She plum roont her shoes. Salary – A stringy vegetable. Soardeens – Small canned fish. Shar – A light rain. Gully Worsher – A medium heavy rain. Toad strangler – A heavy rain Sody. Pop…

Your email address ends in “@over.yonder.com”. You have a bumper sticker on your truck that says “My other computer is a laptop”. You’ve ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone. Your spell checker knows words like, “Y’all”, “Yonder” and “Reckon”. You’ve ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set…

In a small southern town there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town,…

You know you’re a redneck if your bathroom towels are also your bathroom curtains.

You might be a redneck if… You are having marital problems because your wife never lets you win at arm wrestling.

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, ”If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.” With even greater emphasis he said, ”And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the…

You should have no doubt in your mind that you are in a redneck family….. When your uncle drunkenly approaches you, slaps you on the back, grabs your face and murmurs “Heaeh kiiiiiiid, I think it’s a good thing I used a condum. And walks off slowy, mumbling. “Cause your mamoo gets realy piiist when…

You are a redneck if: You think the following is funny You haven’t read the joke “You are a Redneck If… #900”.

You may be a redneck if your burglar alarm is a vacuum cleaner plugged into a motion detector.

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. “Well,” Bubba began, “We wuz havin’ a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, ‘Hey, der ya fellows wanna go huntin’?’” “And then what happened?” the officer interrupted. “From what I remember,” Bubba said,…

You’ve tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up. You name your car the General Lee. You see a sign that says “bridge out” and you try to jump it.

1. You know you’re a redneck when you go out with your girlfriend and you don’t realize she has her other boyfriend with her. 2. You know you’re a redneck when you use a barstool as a walker. 3. You know you’re a redneck when your mowing your lawn and you find a car. 4.…