religious

Three hasidim are bragging about their Rebbes: “My rebbe is very powerful. He was walking once, and there was a big lake in his path. He waved his handkerchief, and there was lake on the right, lake on the left, but no lake in the middle.” To which the second retorted, “That’s nothing. My rebbe…

A preacher phoned the city’s newspaper. “Thank you very much,” said he, “for the error you made when you announced my sermon topic for last Sunday. The topic I sent you was ‘What Jesus Saw in A Publican.’ You printed it as ‘What Jesus Saw in a Republican’ I had the biggest crowd of the…

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until the priest, overcome with curiosity, approached her. “Sister, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated. “Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and…

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it. She went to the pastor’s study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he…

Four Catholic women are sitting in a cafe sipping their tea, talking about their great sons. Soon it begins as a contest to see who has the best son. The first woman proudly declares, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Father.” The second woman replies even more…

The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer, so the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why. “I’ll tell you why,” shouted Deacon Brown. “Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the pews for visitors to register.” “Well,” interrupted the dealer, “didn’t you receive…

A priest wanted to go to the post office, so he asked a little boy the way. The boy took him to the post office. The priest said to the boy, “Thank you. Come to the church tomorrow and I will show you the way to Heaven.” The boy turned and said, “But you don’t…

The Lord said to Noah, “In six months, I’m going to make it rain until the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints for the ark.” Six months passed. The skies began to…

There was a atheist and his son dicussing religion. The young man later brought up the discussion with his friends, who explained to him the concept on the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. That day the man went home and told his father that there were three gods and explained to him what…

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, “I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork… but have you really never even tasted it?” The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded,…

Wilma and her husband barney go to church every Sunday, and during the service barney falls asleep. One afternoon Wilma goes to the priest and asks what she can do. The priest hands her a needle and tells her to prick him with it every time he falls asleep. The next week at church barney…

After performing a marriage the rabbi gave some advice to the newlyweds: “The first ten years are always the hardest,” said the rabbi. “How many years have you been married?” they asked. “Ten years,” the rabbi replied.