religious

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “Are there any Jews in China?” “I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?” When the waiter came by, Al said, “Are there any Chinese Jews?” “I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied and he went into…

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight. “Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?” he asked. “No, Father. Just a little gas,” Sister Susan explained. A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. “Gaining some…

A nun who worked for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the…

In a small town, an frightened man ran inside the local pub and shouted, “Does anyone here own a big black dog with a white collar?” But no one answered and he said, “Oh my God,I must have run over the Vicar!”

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple had a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside Heaven’s Gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally showed up and they asked him.…

Q: Is one permitted to ride in an airplane on the Sabbath? A: Yes, as long as your seat belt remains fastened. In this case, it is considered that you are not riding, you are wearing the plane.

Post-Soviet Russia. Rabinovich calls the Pamyat headquarters: “Is it true that we Jews sold out Mother Russia?” In return he hears an affirmation accompanied by antisemitic slurs. “Oh good. So where can I get my share?”

So I asked a religious truck driver what his CB handle is. His answer: “My handle’s ‘Messiah’.” (Get it? Sounds like “Handel’s Messiah.”)

What’s the difference between a religious woman and a supposedly regular woman in a bathtub? One has HOPE in her soul.

During World War II, a sergeant gets a telephone call from a woman. “We would love it,” she said, “if you could bring five of your soldiers over to our house for Thanksgiving dinner.” “Certainly, ma’am,” replied the sergeant. “Oh… just make sure they aren’t Jews, of course,” said the woman. “Will do,” replied the…

What do you call when god takes a crap? Holy shit!

Every Sunday 3 boys would go to church and confess. So the first boy went up to the priest. The priest says “What have you done bad in your life son”. The boy responds with “I’ve swore to my mother.” The priest says,”Take one sip of holy water.” The second boys goes up to the…