religious

There were three monks and a lady arguing about something that the lady was sure she was correct in, but could not convince the monks otherwise. She then prayed to God and asked for a sign. Lightning hit and she said, “Is that enough proof for you?” They replied that lightning strikes all the time…

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby…

Three ministers were talking about their common problem with bats in the belfry of the church. The first minister said, “I shot at them with a shotgun, but it only spoiled the woodwork.” The second said, “I tried a more humane approach, netting them and releasing them 100 Km away. But they beat me back…

One day Billy is pulling some bottles to the recycling plant in his wagon to get some spending money, he is cursing up a storm while he is pulling the wagon. He comes around a corner and sees Jenny standing on the path in front of him. “Billy you shouldn’t swear like that!” “Why the…

Three hasidim are bragging about their Rebbes: “My rebbe is very powerful. He was walking once, and there was a big lake in his path. He waved his handkerchief, and there was lake on the right, lake on the left, but no lake in the middle.” To which the second retorted, “That’s nothing. My rebbe…

A preacher phoned the city’s newspaper. “Thank you very much,” said he, “for the error you made when you announced my sermon topic for last Sunday. The topic I sent you was ‘What Jesus Saw in A Publican.’ You printed it as ‘What Jesus Saw in a Republican’ I had the biggest crowd of the…

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until the priest, overcome with curiosity, approached her. “Sister, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated. “Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and…

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it. She went to the pastor’s study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he…

Four Catholic women are sitting in a cafe sipping their tea, talking about their great sons. Soon it begins as a contest to see who has the best son. The first woman proudly declares, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Father.” The second woman replies even more…

The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer, so the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why. “I’ll tell you why,” shouted Deacon Brown. “Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the pews for visitors to register.” “Well,” interrupted the dealer, “didn’t you receive…

A priest wanted to go to the post office, so he asked a little boy the way. The boy took him to the post office. The priest said to the boy, “Thank you. Come to the church tomorrow and I will show you the way to Heaven.” The boy turned and said, “But you don’t…

The Lord said to Noah, “In six months, I’m going to make it rain until the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints for the ark.” Six months passed. The skies began to…