religious

How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen? ——————— 54. Two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray. What is the difference between a large pizza and a Jew? ——————— The large pizza won’t scream when you put it in the oven.

When Mother Teresa died and went to heaven, God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. “Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?” asked God. “I could eat,” Mother Teresa replied. So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother…

Did you hear about the thieves that broke into the United Jewish Appeal offices? They got away with over a million dollars in pledges!

Two elderly priests and a young novitiate were at the railway station to buy train tickets to Pittsburgh. The young lady selling tickets was very pretty, and was wearing a rather low-cut dress which showed her ample mammaries to great advantage. The novitiate approached the ticket booth and said, “Three tickets to Tittsville, please.” “How…

Droughts happen because God didn’t pay his water bill.

The crowd had cornered a woman and was preparing to stone her. Jesus raised his hand and spake, “Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone.” From the back of the crowd a small woman picked up a huge rock and staggered toward the poor victim. Jesus pointed a finger at…

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo while I asked, “No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied!!

At an Orthodox wedding, the bride’s mother is pregnant. At a Conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant. At a Reform wedding, the rabbi is pregnant. At a Reconstructionist wedding, the rabbi and her wife are both pregnant.

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem. “I’ve just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died…

A faith healer asked Moshe how his family was getting along. “They’re all fine,” Moshe said, “Except my uncle. He’s very sick.” “Your uncle is not sick,” the faith healer said. “He THINKS he’s sick.” Two weeks later, the faith healer ran into Moshe on the street. “How is your uncle getting along?” he asked.…

There was an old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession. Like many young men, then and now, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do – and he didn’t seem overly concerned about it.…

After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old country for America returns to visit the family. “But–where is your beard?” asks his mother upon seeing him. “Mama,” he replies, “in America, nojoke wears a beard.” “But at least you keep the Sabbath?” “Mama, business is business. In America, everyjoke works…