religious

A man is driving down the road when he spots 2 priests on the side nailing signs into the ground. The first sign says, “The End is Near!!” The man turns to look at the other mans sign and it reads, “Turn back while you still can!” The man then sticks his head out his…

One day, John dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he meets the demon. Demon: “Why so sad, my friend?” John: “What do you think? I’m in hell!” Demon: “Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin’ man?” John: “Sure, I love…

A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months. He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an…

Little Johnny was giving confession, and he told the priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. “Is this a sin, Father?” he asked. The priest nodded and said, “Yes, Little Johnny, indeed, it is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have.”

A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of service by sending him to Oahu for a week, all expenses paid. When he enters his hotel room, there’s a nude girl lying on the bed. He picks up the phone, calls his temple, and says, “Where is your respect? As your rabbi, I am extremely…

A man took a walk along a railroad track. Not paying attention, he got his foot stuck in a gap in the rails. Just then the whistle of the 10 a.m. train sounded in in the distance. He tried frantically to free himself, but to no avail. Looking up he prayed, “God, please get me…

A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?” “We’re taking Continental,” was…

A man joined the priesthood. The order he joined could not speak for seven years; and then they could only say two words. The first seven years passed and they went into a small room. His two words were “too cold”. The next seven years passed and they took him back into the small room…

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? Samson.…

On the first day God created the cow. God said, “You must go to the field, with the farmer, all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years.” The cow said, “That’s a kind of a tough…

The Christian missionary was making his first visit to a tribe in Borneo. The missionary asked the chief, “Do you people know anything about religion?” After a pause, the chief answered, “We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here.”

Divorced Jewish man seeks partner to attend shul with, light Shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses and bar Mitzvahs. Religion not important. ***** Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.I am a sensitive Jewish prince to whom you can…