religious

It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest: “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.” “Well,” answered the priest, “that’s not a sin.” “But I made him agree to pay me 20…

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would…

A Buddhist approaches a hotdog vendor and says: “Make me one with everything.” He gives the vendor a $20 bill and waits. Finally he says: “Where’s my change?” Says the vendor: “All change must come from within.”

My boyfriend was working in the souvenir shop at the Canterbury Cathedral in Kent, England. One afternoon he was talking with an attendant who worked in the cathedral when they were approached by two tourists. “Are you a monk?” one of the women asked. “No,” the attendant explained, “I wear this robe as part of…

These are actual announcements from church… 1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. 2. Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early. 3. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society…

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, “Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale.” A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish. The kid said, “I caught them at the dam, so they’re dam fish.” The preacher bought some, took them home and…

After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, “It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her.” Adam answered, “Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?” So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by…

Attending her first confession, the new nun tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. “Sister Dominique,” the priest says, your secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.” “Father,” she says, “I never wear underwear under my habit.” With a little chuckle, the priest says, “That is not too serious, Sister Dominique.…

After a hardy Indiana rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the…

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: ‘Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?’ ‘Yes,’ the professor ansvered. ‘When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital,…

Fred had tried to be particularly careful about his language as he played golf with his priest. But on the twelfth hole, when he twice failed to hit out of a sand trap, he lost his resolve and let fly with a string of expletives. The preacher felt obliged to respond. “I have observed,” said…

One day a man was walking down the road and saw the priest also walking. Since he knows the priest usually rides a bike he asks where it is. “Well, I woke up this morning and couldn’t find it,” he replies. “Oh. Well, here is an idea. When you go over the Ten Commandments in…