religious

A family was traveling across country, and were on their first stop for gas. Getting out to stretch their legs, they walked into the gas station and began to look at the various items that were placed around them. The son goes over to a rack of books, and picks up one and laughs. “‘Cooking…

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches than casinos there. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised…

A pastor was giving the children’s message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children’s church. On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying,…

Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests. See if a yawn really is contagious. Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the preacher. Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs. Listen for your preacher to use a…

If a monk, living in a monastery, takes a vow of silence, then talks in his sleep, has he broken his vow of silence? If so, who is going to tell on him?

A priest was preparing a man for his long journey into the night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil.” The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to…

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, “Oh God, I’m screwed.” The sky darkens and a voice booms out, “No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of…

A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided…

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning, the two…

After the assassination of Tsar Alexander II of Russia, a government official in Ukraine menacingly addressed the local rabbi, “I suppose you know in full detail who was behind it.” “Ach,” the rabbi replied, “I have no idea, but the government’s conclusion will be the same as always: they will blame the Jews and the…

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air; then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God!…

“Sarah, how’s that boy of yours?” “David? Ach, don’t ask – he’s living in Miami with a man named Miguel” “That’s terrible!” “I know – why couldn’t he find a nice Jewish boy?”