religious

A priest wanted to convince a prostitute to turn respectable. So he met with her one day and began slowly warming up to her. “Oh, my child,” he said, “your dress is most lovely.” “Thank you, Father,” she replied. The radio was playing and they danced a little as they talked. “Oh, my child,” said…

One dark night in hell, the Devil, bent upon his ultimate revenge, determined to become a computer programmer. Secretly he pored over main pages, Microsoft press releases, and hex dumps of the renowned SATAN program, until, satisfied that he was master of the unclean craft, he began to work his mischief. Lounging near the back…

A little girl and her father decided to go to church, because her father wanted to introduce her to the Christian World. As they sat down, a collection plate begins to be passed around. As the plate came to the girl’s father, he searches his pockets for money. Then his daughter whispers in his ear,…

Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God. … “Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and…

Man- “Jesus Christ! I can’t open this hard drive.” Jesus- “Use the torx, Luke.”

God went to the Arabs and said, “I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.” And the Arabs asked, “What are Commandments?” And the Lord said, “They are rules for living.” “Can you give us an example?” “Thou shalt not kill.” “Not kill? We’re not interested.” So he went to the Blacks…

God said “Let there be light.” Chuck Norris said “Say please.”

Saint Peter asked the new arrival, “And what bad things did you do while you were on Earth?” The man thought a moment. “Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale, and I had some extra-marital sex, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t technically…

A man, trying to understand the nature of God, asked Him, “God, how long is a million years to you?” God answered, “A million years is like a minute.” Then the man asked, “God, how much is a million dollars to you?” And God replied, “A million dollars is like a penny.” Finally, the man…

A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort on Cape Cod – one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, “Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.” The Jewish lady said, “But your sign says that…

1. I am the Lord thy God and thou shalt have not too many other Gods besides me. 2. Thou shalt make no graven images. This is a major religion, not a shop class. 3. Thou shalt not take the name of thy God in vain without the express written consent of thy God. The…

A man is rescued from a desert island after 20 years. The news media, amazed at this feat of survival, ask him to show them his home. “How did you survive? How did you keep sane?” they ask him, as he shows them around the small island. “I had my faith. My faith as a…