religious

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench outside a church on a Sunday morning. They are both dressed in rags, each is holding a top hat, the one has a large cross around his neck and the other a large Star of David. After church, the congregants file out, each placing money in the…

Q) What is: Black White Black White Black White? A) A nun rolling down a hill.

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won’t be able to go to work. Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ”Are you really going to let him get away with this?” ”No,…

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, “Convert to Catholicism and get $10.” One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, “Murray, what’s…

A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt so she asked, “Johnny, is there anything wrong”? The boy replied, “No, I was going fishing but my dad told me that I needed to go to church”. The teacher was very impressed and asked Johnny if his…

One Sunday morning, a man attended the service at the local church. He was so moved by the preacher’s sermon that he stopped to shake his hand. “Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I have ever heard,” the man said. “Thank you, sir,” the Reverend replied, “but I must ask that you not use…

On Halloween, a taxi-driver saw a nun standing at the side of the road. He pulled over, and asked if he could help her. The nun said she needed to get to the mission. The taxi-driver said “I’ll give you a ride for free tonight, because you don’t know what kind of crazy people are…

A golfer was having a round of golf with the local vicar. The golfer took his birdie put, but then a gust of wind blew the ball just wide of the hole. The golfer, being very bad tempered, then exclaimed “Damn – missed the bugger!”. The vicar said to the man “Please do not use…

Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, the man said, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and assuage my guilt?” “Certainly not,” said the priest. “As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it.” “I-I…

Abraham wanted to put Windows Vista on his computer, but Isaac was concerned: “But father, we don’t have enough memory for that!” “Don’t worry, son, God will provide the RAM.”

Little Katie was at Sunday school one day. The teacher asked the class “Who is someone in your life that worships God by always speaking His name?” Little Katie raised her hand and said “The fifth grade teacher at my school! Every time we pass by her room on the way to art I hear…

Why are there so many bananas in the West? Because the Westerners are descended from apes.