religious

Both of the following men have cheated on their wives and have decided to take it to the Lord. One is a gangster and one is a Christian. This is their prayers…. Christian husband: Dear Father Son and Holy Ghost, I have sinned and am so sorry. I cheated on my wife with her best…

One day a priest had a doctor’s appointment and needed someone to cover for him at the confessional, so he calls over an old school chum of his who happens to be a rabbi. The rabbi had no idea what to do but agreed to cover for the priest. The priest needed to show the…

A young lady came home from a date looking rather sad. She told her mother, “Arthur proposed to me an hour ago.” “Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked. “Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.” Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between…

Two guys are sitting there enjoying the Saturday night baseball game. It is the top of the 2nd inning when suddenly they notice two Nuns arrive at the game. Lo and behold the Nuns enter the row in front of them and make there way along, of course sitting directly in front of them. Well,…

Two nuns go out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the…

A man worked at a gas station out in the middle of nowhere. One day when he was driving home from work, he ran out of gas (how ironic). So the man walks and walks and eventually he comes upon a monastery. He asks a monk at the monastery, “Can I stay here over night?…

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An…

Lord, grant me the strength that I may not fall Into the clutches of cholesterol; At polyunsaturates, I’ll never mutter, For the road to Hell is paved with butter And cake is cursed and cream is awful And Satan is hiding in every waffle. Beelzebub is a chocolate drop, And Lucifer is a lollipop, Teach…

The new army recruit was given guard duty at 2 a.m. He did his best for a while, but at about 4 a.m. he went to sleep. He awakened to find the officer of the day standing before him. Remembering the heavy penalty for being asleep on guard duty, this smart young man kept his…

Jesus sees a woman being assaulted by an angry crowd and steps in front of her and says, “let he who hath no sin cast the first stone.” From the crowd comes a rock flying at the woman. Jesus looks over and says, “Damn it mother, sometimes you really piss me off.”

“It’s no use. Art doesn’t listen to me,” said a little boy who was praying for a new bike. “Art who?” asked the boy’s mother. “Art in heaven,” came the reply.

A rabbi once asked his old friend, a priest, “Could you ever be promoted within your Church?” The priest says, thoughtfully, “Well, I could become a bishop.” The rabbi persists, “And after that?” With a pause for consideration, the priest replies, “Maybe I could be a cardinal, even.” “And then?” After thinking for some time,…