religious

On Halloween, a taxi-driver saw a nun standing at the side of the road. He pulled over, and asked if he could help her. The nun said she needed to get to the mission. The taxi-driver said “I’ll give you a ride for free tonight, because you don’t know what kind of crazy people are…

A golfer was having a round of golf with the local vicar. The golfer took his birdie put, but then a gust of wind blew the ball just wide of the hole. The golfer, being very bad tempered, then exclaimed “Damn – missed the bugger!”. The vicar said to the man “Please do not use…

Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, the man said, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and assuage my guilt?” “Certainly not,” said the priest. “As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it.” “I-I…

Abraham wanted to put Windows Vista on his computer, but Isaac was concerned: “But father, we don’t have enough memory for that!” “Don’t worry, son, God will provide the RAM.”

Little Katie was at Sunday school one day. The teacher asked the class “Who is someone in your life that worships God by always speaking His name?” Little Katie raised her hand and said “The fifth grade teacher at my school! Every time we pass by her room on the way to art I hear…

Why are there so many bananas in the West? Because the Westerners are descended from apes.

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout “PRAISE THE LORD!” Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There ain’t no Lord!!” Hard times set in on…

A parish priest calls the Mother Superior into his office and says, “There is something I must show you. Please come into my private room and close the blinds.” “Father!” exclaims the shocked Mother Superior. “What did you say?” “What I said was … ” the priest begins. “I heard what you said … I…

There’s a big controversy on the Jewish view of exactly when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

A silent Order of Monks is allowed to eat only porridge and speak just once a month. One month, Friar Albert stood up and said, “I hate porridge.” A month of silence passes by and Friar barnaby stands to say, “I like porridge.” Another silent month goes by when Head Master Geoff rises and says……

A man and a woman are having an affair. One day, the woman’s husband comes home early from work. To avoid being caught, the cheating man runs over to hide in the closet. As he closes the door he hears a little voice say, “It’s dark in here.” This startles the man, and he looks…

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. “In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.” The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents…