religious

On the first day God created the cow. God said, “You must go to the field, with the farmer, all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years.” The cow said, “That’s a kind of a tough…

The Christian missionary was making his first visit to a tribe in Borneo. The missionary asked the chief, “Do you people know anything about religion?” After a pause, the chief answered, “We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here.”

Divorced Jewish man seeks partner to attend shul with, light Shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses and bar Mitzvahs. Religion not important. ***** Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.I am a sensitive Jewish prince to whom you can…

A little nine-year-old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy” she said “Can we leave now?” “No,” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.” In…

Saddam and an American were in the bathroom peeing in the urinals. When the American was done, he was going to leave without washing his hands. Saddam said, “You know, I learned to wash my hands.” The American replied, “Well, I learned not to pee on my hands.”

Father Sullivan was ministering to a man on his deathbed. “Renounce Satan!” yelled Father Sullivan. “No,” said the dying man. “I say, renounce the devil and his works!” “No,” the man repeats. “And why, in the name of all that is holy, not?” asks Father Sullivan. “Because,” said the dying man, “I want to wait…

A preacher, who shall we say, was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit, and, gathering the entire crowd’s attention, said, “The best years of my life were spent in the…

Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial straits. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes to the synagogue and begins to pray. “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money soon, I’m going…

A nun had to use the bathroom, so she went into a bar, the first place she could find. She noticed that every time the lights went out, everyjoke cheered. She went up to the bartender and asked him why. He said she would be better off not knowing, so she asked where the bathroom…

The sexton of the synagogue decided to install a poor box so that the fortunate might share their wealth with the needy. On shabbes eve, he announced to the congregation that a new opportunity for mitzvoh was available. “But,” one member complained, “it will be so easy for the goneffs (thieves) to steal from the…

Two small boys, one catholic and one protestant get lost in the woods. Darkness comes down and they near a monastery. Upon entering they are asked their faith, telling the head monk their religions. The Catholic lad gets the best of treatment, good food, a good bed near the fireplace. The protestant lad however gets…

A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly, “I know what the Bible means!” His father smiled and replied, “What do you mean, you ‘know’ what the Bible means?” The son replied, “I do know!” “Okay,” said his father. “So, son, what does the Bible mean?” “That’s easy, Daddy. It stands…