religious

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.” A bit later, they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel, and the…

A man died and went to heaven, he went to the golden gates, and saw God. He didn’t know who God was, so he took one look and said, “My god, Who the hell are you?”

A man dies and goes to hell. When he arrives Satan gives him a choice of what eternal punishment he’ll be given. They go to a wall with 3 doors. Satan opens the first door and there are people standing on their heads on blocks of ice. The man says, “No way, I cant do…

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, “I’d give anything to sink this next putt.” A stranger walks up to him and whispers, “Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?” The golfer thinks the man is…

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, “You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?” The driver is understandably hesitant and says, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m supposed…

There are four people on a plane. a guy from england, a guy from france, a guy from texas, and a guy from mexico, all of a sudden the plane starts falling out of the sky. The pilot says “We a losing altitude we need to get rid of some weight. So they throw everything…

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. “Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray,” the priest said. “No,” said the minister. “I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven.” “You’re both wrong,” the guru said. “The most…

A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, “How come after all these years we don’t see you at…

One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls. “You see, there are the originals,” said the first monk. “All the new scrolls were copied from these.” “Can I see one?” “Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom . . ” All of a sudden, the…

Me: “That will be 17.50, please.” Customer: “Are you a Christian, dear?” Me: “Why do you ask?” Customer: “Are you?” Me: “Well, no. Why do you want to know?” Customer: “Oh. I would like to be helped by someone else, please.” Manager: “Good morning ma’am, I hear you’ve been having a problem with the clerk?”…

There once was a priest, a bishop, and the Pope. They were all at the park and they saw a deep pond. The Pope told the bishop and the priest, “I bet I can walk on water”. So he goes to the pond and, amazingly, he walks on water and gets to the other side.…

You know your a redneck when there are 15 cars in your driveway, and the only one that moves is your house.