religious

Do Chinese eat dogs? Yes. And cats. Especially on our “Thanks receiving” day. Besides, turkeys are our favorite pets. In China only the most uneducated eat turkeys. China is becoming strong. Does your government want to take over the world? Yes, absolutely. As soon as we become powerful, we will invade Iraq and Afghanistan. Why…

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar. And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water…

There is a story about a monastery perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep…

I bet it was really tough being an Apostle of Jesus. What if you wanted a day off? You ring up Jesus and say, “Jesus, I’m sick today, running a little fever and feeling congested so I won’t be able to make it to today’s sermon. What…? Say that again…? I’m cured?”

A man asked God how much a million dollars was to him. God replied, “Oh, about one penny.” Then the man asked how much an eternity was to him. God replied, “Oh, about a second.” Then the man asked. “Can I have a million dollars and live an eternal life?” God replied, “Sure, just wait…

One early winter morning, Rabbi Bloom was walking beside the canal when he saw a dog in the water, trying hard to stay afloat. It looked so sad and exhausted that Rabbi Bloom jumped in, and after a struggle, managed to bring it out alive. A passer-by who saw this remarked, “That was very brave…

Bob was propped up against a palm tree and acting so calmly it drove Joe crazy. “Don’t you understand?!? We’re going to die!!” Bob replied, “You don’t understand, I make $100,000 a week.” Joe looked at him quite dumbfounded and asked, “What difference does that make?!? We’re on an island with no food and no…

[Jesus signed on at 11:29 pm.] Jesus: Hello and welcome to the kingdom of heaven! Bob: Oh wow you mean I can come in? Jesus: All are welcome. Tell me what is the way you died? Bob: Well I was in a coma. Half my family wanted me on life support half didn’t. Jesus: I…

“Please, God,” the man prayed, “you know me. I’m always praying to you, yet I’ve had nothing but bad luck, misery and despair. Look at the butcher next door. He’s never prayed in his life, and he enjoys prosperity, health and happiness. How come a believer like me is always in trouble, and he’s always…

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anyjoke tell me what it is?” One child blurted out, “Aces!”

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?” “Just water,” says the priest. The trooper says, “Then why…

One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.…