religious

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent,…

A Catholic man was struck by a bus on a busy street. He was near death lying on the sidewalk as a crowd gathers. “A priest! Somejoke please get me a priest!” the man gasped. Minutes dragged on and no one stepped out of the crowd. A policeman checked the crowd and finally yelled, “A…

Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a beer. The nun answered, “That would be good, but I’d be uneasy about purchasing it.” The 1st nun said she would handle it and picked up a six…

Two Rabbis were discussing their problems with squirrels in their synagogue attic. One Rabbi said they simply called an exterminator and they never saw the squirrels again. The other Rabbi said, “We just gave them all a bar mitzvah, and never saw the squirrels again.”

Little Susie was watching her father, a pastor, write a sermon. “How do you know what to say?” she asked. “Why, God tells me.” “Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?”

Now I lay me down to sleep; If I die before I wake, Please somejoke; step on the BRAKE!

A young girl had just begun to go to a new Christian church group. She had been going for a couple of weeks now, and at one session their leaders were talking about when they found Jesus in their lives. One of her leaders had started saying: “When I was your age, I had just…

Little Bonnie became restless as the preacher’s sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, “Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?î

Henry goes to confession and says, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Last night I was with seven different women.” The priest says, “Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and drink the juice without pausing.” “Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?” “No,” replies the priest. “But it’ll wipe that silly…

Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with? A: He enters Nerdvana.

A man decided he wanted a divorce from his wife of 30 years. After the divorce, they went their separate ways and never saw each other again. A number of years later, the woman died. When she was standing at St. Peter’s Gate, he asked her “How was your life?” She replied “It was horrible.…

>God made mud,>>So girls can flirt!