religious

The sexton of the synagogue decided to install a poor box so that the fortunate might share their wealth with the needy. On shabbes eve, he announced to the congregation that a new opportunity for mitzvoh was available. “But,” one member complained, “it will be so easy for the goneffs (thieves) to steal from the…

Two small boys, one catholic and one protestant get lost in the woods. Darkness comes down and they near a monastery. Upon entering they are asked their faith, telling the head monk their religions. The Catholic lad gets the best of treatment, good food, a good bed near the fireplace. The protestant lad however gets…

A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly, “I know what the Bible means!” His father smiled and replied, “What do you mean, you ‘know’ what the Bible means?” The son replied, “I do know!” “Okay,” said his father. “So, son, what does the Bible mean?” “That’s easy, Daddy. It stands…

A man named Jack was walking along a steep cliff one day, when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell. On the way down he grabbed a branch, which temporarily stopped his fall. He looked down and to his horror saw that the canyon fell straight down for more than a thousand…

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and good Christian ways. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!! One day the wife of one of the Tribe’s noblemen gives birth to a…

3 men die in a car crash and are sent to the pearly gates. Having all lived good lives, they were all allowed in but they had certain restrictions. God told them that he would ask them a question. They should answer truthfully and depending on how they answer they will receive a home and…

Pedro was driving down the street, in a panic, because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up…

The three wise men went to visit Jesus right after he was born. One wise man was extremely tall. He hit his head on the top of the door frame and said, ”Jesus Christ!” Joseph looked at Mary and said ”Write that down — that’s way better than Clyde!”

One day, two women and a man die. When they go to heaven, St. Peter tells them they could do whatever they want as long as they didn’t step on a pink cloud. One day, one of the three people were seen walking with two ugly men. “I tripped and fell on a pink cloud,”…

A man arrives at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells him that he will remain frozen until his whole family is there. That way, it would stop him from doing anything NOT with his family. So, a couple years pass, and his wife appeared in heaven. She had died of age. She was…

God was in Heaven and was getting particularly bored. “Oh what can I do?” he exclaimed. St. Peter came up to him and suggested he take a vacation. “That’s a great idea, but where should I go?” asked God. “How about the moon?” suggested St. Peter. “Well, I could, but there’s no gravity on the…

A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer? “3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7”.