religious

After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old country for America returns to visit the family. “But–where is your beard?” asks his mother upon seeing him. “Mama,” he replies, “in America, nojoke wears a beard.” “But at least you keep the Sabbath?” “Mama, business is business. In America, everyjoke works…

It seems that upon passing away, a Texan found himself at the legendary Pearly Gates, and St. Peter himself was in attendance to personally greet him! After the usual checklist and verifications, St. Peter made some small talk and commented that he had heard that in Texas, everything is big. The Texan agreed and responded…

After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, “What’s that?” Adam replied, “Boys, that’s where your mother ate us out of house and home.”

The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the Church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing. “Nothing much, Pastor,” replied one boy. “We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life.” “Boys, boys, boys!” he scolded. “I’m shocked. When I was your age, I…

-This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. -Tuesday at 4 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. Will ladies giving milk, please come early. -Wednesday the Ladies Literary Society will meet. Mrs. Johns will sing “Put Me In…

When Eve was first created, she had 3 breasts. She asks God, “What shall I do with this extra breast?” And God created Adam.

Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offering. The priest…

An old Jewish beggar was out on the street in New York City with his tin cup. “Please, sir,” he pleaded to a passerby, “could you spare seventy-three cents for a cup of coffee and some pie?” The man asked, “Where do you get coffee and pie for seventy-three cents in New York? It costs…

My health teacher said once he was talking to this one guy and a student. As they were talking the student got curious and asked, “How long have you been teaching here?” My health teachser replied, “Oh about 37 years.” The student said he must be old and the other guy, who is elderly as…

Mik:Darn it! There’s only 2 chips in my bowl.Damn you,chips! Mak: Aargh! you made me so angry I am gonna punch them! Mak punches the chips. Mik: WHOAH! you made 2 big chips into 20 small ones! Mak: I AM JESUS OF THE DORITOS!!

At the peak of the wave of East Germans fleeing through Hungary and Czechoslovakia in 1989, the persons still staying in East Germany (DDR) were called the “Der Dumme Rest” (the dumb remains).

In Chelm, the shammes used to go around waking everyone up for minyan (communal prayer) in the morning. Every time it snowed, the people would complain that, although the snow was beautiful, they could not see it in its pristine state because by the time they got up in the morning, the shammes had already…