religious

The Hodja (teacher) was selling olives at the market and business was slow. He called to a woman who was passing by and tried to entice her. She shook her head and told him she didn’t have any money with her.”No problem,” the Hodja grinned. “You can pay me later.” She still looked hesitant, so…

People who want to inform you of their religious views almost never want to hear yours.

This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with…

-During a thunderstorm, you build a giant boat and start stealing your neighbor’s pets. -When the boss criticizes your work, you hack off your right ear and mail it to him. -Not only do you consider Yoko an artistic genius, you think she’s beautiful and has a lovely singing voice. -While working under the sink,…

The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church. Evening massage…

And another four-year-old prayed: “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”

The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, “Pastor, I will contribute $1,000.” Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder.…

Billy was walking in a shopping center with his mom, and suddenly she stopped to pick up a penny. When she reached out for it, he saw armpit hair. Frightened, he said, “You’re not my mom! I’m calling the police.” The man pulled off his mask and said, “Okay, you got me. But tell me…

An old Jewish man riding on a train begins to moan: “Oy, am I thirsty; oy, am I thirsty”, to the annoyance of the other passengers. Finally, another passenger gets a cup of water from the drinking fountain and gives it to the old man, who thanks him profusely and gulps it down. Feeling satisfied,…

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside: The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!” My friend…

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out, so he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, “Yes,…

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of sudden, he said out loud, “Lord grant me one wish.” Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me always, I will grant you one wish.” The…