religious

Mik:Darn it! There’s only 2 chips in my bowl.Damn you,chips! Mak: Aargh! you made me so angry I am gonna punch them! Mak punches the chips. Mik: WHOAH! you made 2 big chips into 20 small ones! Mak: I AM JESUS OF THE DORITOS!!

At the peak of the wave of East Germans fleeing through Hungary and Czechoslovakia in 1989, the persons still staying in East Germany (DDR) were called the “Der Dumme Rest” (the dumb remains).

In Chelm, the shammes used to go around waking everyone up for minyan (communal prayer) in the morning. Every time it snowed, the people would complain that, although the snow was beautiful, they could not see it in its pristine state because by the time they got up in the morning, the shammes had already…

The Hodja (teacher) was selling olives at the market and business was slow. He called to a woman who was passing by and tried to entice her. She shook her head and told him she didn’t have any money with her.”No problem,” the Hodja grinned. “You can pay me later.” She still looked hesitant, so…

People who want to inform you of their religious views almost never want to hear yours.

This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with…

-During a thunderstorm, you build a giant boat and start stealing your neighbor’s pets. -When the boss criticizes your work, you hack off your right ear and mail it to him. -Not only do you consider Yoko an artistic genius, you think she’s beautiful and has a lovely singing voice. -While working under the sink,…

The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church. Evening massage…

And another four-year-old prayed: “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”

The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, “Pastor, I will contribute $1,000.” Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder.…

Billy was walking in a shopping center with his mom, and suddenly she stopped to pick up a penny. When she reached out for it, he saw armpit hair. Frightened, he said, “You’re not my mom! I’m calling the police.” The man pulled off his mask and said, “Okay, you got me. But tell me…

An old Jewish man riding on a train begins to moan: “Oy, am I thirsty; oy, am I thirsty”, to the annoyance of the other passengers. Finally, another passenger gets a cup of water from the drinking fountain and gives it to the old man, who thanks him profusely and gulps it down. Feeling satisfied,…